Who on earth would trust me with an advice column? No one! Yet, one of my regulars has asked me for some advice, based on my blog post To Shave or Not To Shave. Will I give it to him? Yes! Should he follow it? Probably not.. It’s like me and directions: if I say go left, you should go right. In fact, the harder I argue with you about how correct I am about going left, the more sure you should be to GO RIGHT! I am wrong 100% of the time when it comes to directions, so here, John, let me direct you (and may the women out there have mercy on your bald bodied soul).
John asks: “Hey RCG, I have a follow up question. Do MEN need to shave? I’m recently re-entering the dating scene, and I’ve been told by someone I trust that I simply must shave. Not a trim, clean shaven. I’ve never done that… Ever. Not that I had much chest hair, that can go, but not looking forward to irritating the boys. Thoughts?”
Here are my thoughts…
Hair on the head is sexy, body hair… not so much. It’s coarse in most places, and just plain wiry in others. How do I write this next part without being gross? Hmmm.. How about an analogy?
I LOVE egg salad sandwiches, however, if I get even the tiniest shell in my mouth, I’m completely grossed out, gag city, I’m done! CLICK TO TWEET
Even if it was the first bite of the sandwich, I’m not eating anymore, in fact my appetite is ruined. I may go so far as to be off egg salad for a while, and one thing’s for sure– I am never ordering egg salad in that restaurant again.
So should you shave the boys clean, John? Well let me ask you… Do you want to risk having your sandwich shop shut down? It’s a big risk, John. Then again there are girls out there who get freaked out over silky smooth, hairless, twig n berries. I for one am not one of them. I like hairless.
Now, you mentioned the chest. As I said, hair “down there” is of a specific texture, one I find tactily [derived from the word tactile, although I may have just made up that derivation] undesirable. Hair on the rest of the body is dependent on the man. Some men have soft baby fuzz hair, but they are rare. Most have somewhere between coarse and bristly. In fact just writing about mens’ body hair is turning me off. Let’s take a moment to flash back to last week…
I was in yoga (of course I was) and Rocker Yogi (yes, I am still taking his class obsessing over how many times he will touch me during the course of the hour) was wearing shorts and a tank top. His legs are perfectly smooth! I don’t know if he shaves, waxes, or is naturally hairless, but I could not keep my eyes off of them. I wanted to lick his calves like an ice cream cone. There is something about smooth body parts that cause a Pavlovian effect in me.
That said, John, that is MY personal taste. The less hair, the more area I want to cover. The only exception to that rule is facial stubble. I LOVE IT! But… there is a very small window between smooth, stubble, and wiry funky face. Once you leave stubble and head into wiry funky face, you start rackin’ up crumbs and fuzz all up in it. Yuck.. I want no part of that.
I may have a solution that will put your “boys” at ease temporarily. Don’t guess. If you’re just getting back out there in the dating world, a girl who’s down in that region on the first date, maaaaaaay not be dating material. So, find a girl who wants to talk on the first date, and bring up this “crazy chick who writes a blog, and says that all men should shave all over.” See what her response is. You can tailor your trimming to your dates’ desires. Although if you’re multiple dating and they have different desires, you are going to have to space out your dates accordingly. (Note, milk makes your hair grow faster).
To wrap up: Male grooming (aka Manscaping) is a very personal thing from a woman’s perspective so you’re going to have to find out what makes your lady happy before committing to a Russian waxer.
Dear Abby is definitely rolling over somewhere…