Why I Hate My Kitchen

Some women like reading books, some like sports, some like painting, some like gardening, and still others like… or should I say, “LOVE” cooking. I am NOT one of those women. I can’t stand cooking. I’m not even a big fan of food. If I could survive on nutrition given to me intravenously or in a powder form, I’d be perfectly happy. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy eating delicious food, but if I had to choose between a good meal or a good movie, I’d pick the movie any day, hands down, no competition.

I don’t really remember how I’ve survived this long. I know my mom (who likes to cook) provided all of my meals when I was growing up. She was ahead of her time, no hamburger helper or frozen dinners for us, everything was made from scratch and included healthy ingredients.

Then I went to college and was on a meal plan Freshman year, though after that, I chose to spend the next three years of school living on Ramen Noodles (didn’t know they existed until college), Dominos Pizza, and $1 Chinese Food (probably the root of my inability to eat Chinese food now).

When I graduated college, I had a roommate in Manhattan who liked to cook and several great restaurants in my upper west-side neighborhood.  So, I suppose that’s how I survived.. and I drank a lot of Snapple in those days. The crazy caffeine high I got off of that was probably an appetite suppressant.

Upon moving to Los Angeles, I moved in with two guys. One of them worked at Mulberry Pizzeria, so I ate pizza for two meals a day and was once again reunited with my college love.. Ramen Noodles. I did a little better when my sister and I moved in together, it was fun to shop and cook together for the week, but I still don’t remember how I managed to nourish myself on a consistent basis.

Then I got spoiled. My ex cooked all three meals a day for me… perhaps that’s why I stayed with him for so long… fear of starving to death. When it was over, I was left with “the kitchen.” I didn’t know what the heck to do in there! I hadn’t been in there in seven years. My fancy Amana refrigerator, my Cuisinart, Emiril Lagasse’s pots and pans, all looked at me with mockery in their stainless steel, as if to say, “So what are ‘you’ going to do with us?”

Well, I showed them! I went over to Trader Joes and bought enough Frozen Mac & Cheese, and TJ quiches, to last a year… and they did. Unfortunately my microwave didn’t. I would have replaced it, but it happened just as I found out I had to start eating gluten free, which meant no more TJ mac & cheese of quiches… Why go on, you wonder? I question that myself.

So I’ve had to try and make nice with ‘my kitchen.’ My nutritionist says that I have to make breakfast within an hour of waking up. And of course there’s lunch and dinner, and a few healthy snacks throughout the day. I’ve found a quick and easy solution to my health needs, taste bud desires, and time factor (if it takes me more than 5 minutes of work in the kitchen I won’t make it). My solution is Wildtree. My friend hosts freezer parties and I leave with forty meals that I defrost and cook up in less than 5 minutes.

But here’s the thing that my kitchen and I don’t see eye to eye on… dirty dishes. Preparing and eating three meals a day, creates tons of dirty dishes, utensils, and pots and pans. Not to mention I have to cook for my dog every other day which is three pots. Guess what I dislike more than cooking… cleaning dirty dishes. AND THEY NEVER END! And I don’t want them piling up because that’s gross not to mention they’re harder to clean when the food is caked on, so I’m constantly doing dishes. And I’m TERRIBLE at doing dishes. I swear more water gets on me than the dishes, my floor is soaked when I’m done, and as soon as I finish, I always find one thing that I missed!

My mom explained that, that is what an apron is for. I don’t want to wear an apron, it’s like a commitment. So, now I have more laundry to do because my clothes are wet so I have to change twice a day at least.

Seriously, take a moment to think about the enormous repetitiveness of the kitchen cycle… cooking 3 meals a day, cleaning dishes, putting clean dishes away, everyday, for the rest of my  life. And to make it worse, if you add up the above, it comes to at least 90 minutes of my days and it only takes about 3 minutes to scarf down a meal. It’s totally and completely illogical!  I hate my kitchen!

© 2010

This entry was posted in Chick lit, romantic comedy and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Why I Hate My Kitchen

  1. Yvonne Hall says:

    I agree 100%!!!! In switching to a healthier lifestyle, eating more home cooked meals I have developed a love/hate relationship with my kitchen — but more so the dishwasher!!! I simply can’t put all the dirty things in there!!! WHAT?!?!? It is a terrible cycle — but I would still choose a good meal over a movie any day;)
    … and thanks for the shout out!
    Yvonne Hall

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s