A Note To The Superfriends- Call Me The Lightswitch

By the end of this year I think each of the Superfriends will have at least 12 nicknames. We’re kind of like those people who keep getting degrees so they have 50 three-letter acronyms following their names, only we spend more time in the bar or at the spa than in a classroom. Speaking of nicknames, DJ Super pilot invented the word tangentalizing and I’m about to demonstrate it’s meaning:

To the poor person who looked up Gorton’s Fisherman in the search engines and found my blog entry… I’m sorry. I know that you were looking for fish sticks not information about IC’s ‘joy stick’. And for all of you creepy people out there who keep my stats high for searching the keywords “where do women hide sexy underwear” and “for every beautiful woman out there there’s a man tired of having sex with her” (yes, these phrases send multiple people to my blog daily) I THANK YOU, and…. ewwww with the panties!

Tangentalizing done. Back to the subject at hand. My new nickname. I was advised by ‘someone who will remain nameless’ to “cut IC some slack” This ‘someone who will remain nameless’ has been on the other side of my “crazy” enough times, that I knew I should listen to him. So rather than cut and run, which is my usual MO in situations like these (and by situations I mean: remember a while back when this was all starting I mentioned some yellow flags? Well, they’ve turned red) I decided to at least have a conversation with him to see if we could go backwards (and by backwards I mean: remember a while back when some of you coughSister, coughcoughNutritionist, thought that perhaps I was falling in love? There was even a ‘could it be I’m falling in love’ video posted by our beloved  DJ Superpilot. Remember that? well we’re about to go in reverse).

You see, somehow, and Nutritionist can back me up on this, I wound up with good numbers in the Testosterone department, but low numbers in the Estrogen department. I think that’s why I’ve always been like a light switch. Most girls, the minute they get intimate with a guy and sometimes even before, they develop ‘feelings.’ See? Only a chick with good Testosterone numbers puts air quotes around the word ‘feelings’ as if it were a silly word. Anyway, I’m not “most girls” and have successfully switched the light switch on and off with my emotions when it comes to guys. That is, guys I don’t want to have emotional feelings for. And pretty much every one of those guys, who when I originally met them, where excited about having a hot chick to fool around with, without attachments, became attached… and I had to set them free. Of course almost everyone of them has resurfaced in my Facebook friend request section. What was I saying? Oh yes…

So tonight, I went to IC, and apologized for leaving in a seething rage, and explained my hurt feelings and that I’m not interested in hurt feelings because that means I’m getting in too deep. I told him I wanted to go back to the way things were in the beginning; fun, sex, no kids, no ‘family hangs,’ no relationshippy stuff. He agreed, and said that while I was away he felt himself pulling back because Four had been asking for me, and he was getting concerned about his girls getting attached to me. HELLO? Isn’t that why I told him in the beginning I shouldn’t meet his girls? I don’t know why, but dogs and kids love me. Okay, I know why dogs love me, but don’t understand kids. I can see why some would, but even the difficult ones gravitate to me.

Then it was decided… back to Friends With Benefits (although I didn’t bring up the point that in my 48 hours of anger because of his blowing off “the conversation” which was pissing me off even more, I revisited the definition of Friends With Benefits and realized that he doesn’t really qualify. I mean, I haven’t seen him since he was 14 and back then we weren’t friends, so now all these years later, I realize we aren’t friends. We’re Becoming Friends… With Benefits. I know.. it’s complicated, which is why no matter what happens in the next week he’s keeping his current acronym NOTE TO GUYS: don’t give girls like me too much time to think. We’ll talk ourselves out of anything wonky, and that isn’t good for you). He said I could still hang out with the girls, but I told him that defeated the purpose.  No girls, no dinners with moms, no sleepovers. The benefits package has been SLASHED!

After the decision, he asked if I was going to stay and hang out. I said sure, hoping there’d be somethin’ somethin’ in it for me. It’s been like 3 weeks now! So we were watching TV, but then it got weird. I don’t know why. He seemed really sad and tense. It took all of my will power not to go into “fix it mode” and ask him what was wrong and what’s been going on in his life for the past 3 days, or if he was re-contemplating our decision. Lightswitch- no heavy conversation. So I perched myself behind him and scratched his neck, head, and back for a while, then told him I was going home. When I was leaving it still felt weird. He said he’d call me tomorrow and we’d go do something out of the house. Again, his mood was a little too… hate to say it, but it was the vibe I was getting… fragile, to come out and say, “Well, unless we’re going to screw in public, I see no reason to be outside of the house.”  The Lightswitch can be brutal. That’s why Sister asks me to break up with guys for her. Sometimes speaking my truth can be hurtful to others. Sister advised me to be conscious of my words tonight… so I was.

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This entry was posted in Chick lit, romantic comedy, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to A Note To The Superfriends- Call Me The Lightswitch

  1. Ray says:

    “Well, unless we’re going to screw in public, I see no reason to be outside of the house.”

    Favorite quote in a long while!

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