You know the song “Things that make you go Hmmm?” I have a habit of making people go “Eeew!” My problem is that my friends don’t say Eeew, because they get me; they have the same sense of humor. I suppose that’s why they’re my friends. But sometimes I’m with people I just met, and I forget to filter. For example (and yes, this just happened to me so the sting is still fresh): The other day one of my closest guy friends and I were out and he spent the night talking to a beautiful girl. When the restaurant we were in closed, a group of us went to a small bar. Now since you’re just meeting me, I should preface this story by telling you that I don’t drink, so this stuff just comes out naturally. The beautiful girl, another girl I’d just met, and myself went to the bathroom together, because we all know that we gals go in groups. So as we stood in a row washing our hands “beautiful girl” says to us, “I haven’t showered tonight and I’m not feeling fresh.”
What are you thinking now? Seriously, what is the first thing that just came to your mind and be honest!
Well, for me it was the Summers Eve commercial, but I couldn’t remember the brand name so I said to the two girls, “I was going to make a joke, but I can’t remember the name of the company that makes those douches. Can you?” They BOTH said no but that they knew what I was talking about. So as the other girl and I were trying to recall the name of Summer’s Eve, beautiful girl says, “well it doesn’t matter anyway because I don’t have a douche with me.” Well, thinking about my guy friend, and wanting to help him out and not let the feeling of “un-freshness” get between him getting “some” and not getting “some,” I reached for a Puffs Plus Tissue and said, “Just take one of these, put some soap on it, and go in a stall…”
Her shriek of horror disrupted everyone in the ladies room (which had about 30 stalls in it). She could not stop saying, “OMG! OMG! I can’t believe you went there! I’m not feeling fresh up here…” This is where she did a Madonna Vogue-like gesture around her face and hair.
Okay, where did she think I was going with the douche joke? And who the heck doesn’t feel fresh in their face and hair?!? Then she told me that she couldn’t look at me and raced her 5’11” body passed me stammering about how she couldn’t believe someone who didn’t know her just “went there.” For Pete’s sake! I was trying to help a sister out! Is my brain crazy for going in that direction? I will use the argument that I am a product of the television generation before DVRs so I know A LOT of commercials. A girl tells me she has that “not so fresh feeling” I go straight to Summer’s Eve. And to add to my defense she did say that she didn’t have a douche with her. I’d say in the future I’ll keep my mouth shut, but I have a feeling you’re in for plenty more entries titled “Things That Make Them Go Eeew!”