Yard Sales Bring the Most Interesting People

Before I begin, let me just inform you that on tonight’s pjs, there are now two huge guacamole stains. Something tells me this is going to be one of “our things;” me reporting to you what stained my pajamas on a regular basis. After showing my blog to my best friend, it started a 3 hour conversation which revealed that soon I will have to introduce you to romantic comedy girl’s sidekicks.

For now, let’s discuss my yard sale. I’ve only done a yard sale once maybe twice in my life at the prodding of my ex. It always seemed like a waste of my time. For the amount of time you sit there compared to the amount you actually make, it is not a good use of my time. But a recent rain spree in Los Angeles, kept me inside for a few days, so I decided to clean out every room/closet/drawer, in my house. I ended up with an entire room filled with stuff. I decided to have a yard sale, but with all of that stuff I went with the indoor/outdoor yard sale (okay, I didn’t want to have to get up at 5am to set up for the diehards who come at 7am even though your signs say 9). So I set up everything in my two front rooms.

These yard sale people are pros! One person asked me if I had change for a hundred, and while I was counting out the change, switched the hundred to a ten, and left before I realized what had happened. I’ll let the karma king handle that one! I couldn’t believe how many people showed up! Some where giving me tips on how to make sure no one stole my jewelry, while others used their Jedi mind-tricks to confuse me about how much I said things were once they had a bag full of stuff. I hope they felt good about themselves as they walk away with their bargains (aka steals!), like I do when I find great deals at Nordstrom Rack.

There’s a culture in there too. They know each other and have a language. Some have a system, for their manipulations and mind tricks. But one man came alone. He showed up on his motorized scooter, the fancy one that you see on the infomercial which teaches you how to get your insurance to pay for it. He didn’t want to pay more than a nickel for things. What am I going to do with nickels? I can’t even get a gum ball for a nickel! Then, he has the nerve to open my gate, go in my kitchen, and call me in to ask me how much for my bag of raw cashews and dried apricots. DUDE!!! Seriously? Get out of my kitchen! Not only did I have to be rude to get him to put my food down since I had to explain 4 times that it wasn’t for sale, but now I kinda wish I sold it to him because I’m too grossed out to touch the bags. I’m going to have to Purell them before I open them. One guy who came early and used his voodoo on me, came back later with a bracelet that he said I charged him $35 for because it was real gold and he wanted his $35 dollars back, because it wasn’t, even though it said 14K on it. $35 dollars?!?!? I didn’t charge anyone that much for anything the whole day! He tried going down to $25 and then $15. I didn’t give him any money back! Take that Voodoo man! Although at that point I was alone and was a little afraid of him, but I stood strong, knowing 5lb book on astrology was only a foot away. I could clock him with it. I was planning the whole scenario in my head as he was spewing Jedi-voodoo talk.

Then I had to take a nap! Who knew a yard sale could be so exhausting. AND I have to do it again tomorrow. Whose idea was it to have it two days in a row?….. mine ….  Especially, now that all of the good stuff is gone. I’m going to have to figure out a way to make books, picture frames, and half used candles sexy.

And to top it all off, none of my cute neighbors came. What’s up with that? I had a football and pair of boxing gloves right out front to entice them. They must have known the freaky scene it was going to be.



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