Well first of all, I got out of my pajamas because I had to leave the house today. So, I don’t have a stain to report, but I did just drop a peanut down my cleavage and it got stuck somewhere between “the girls” and my bra. It’s wedged in there good. Maybe when I get hungry later…
Any way so I have three problems today:
1. Recycling- I’ve gotten into a really good routine with my recycling. I have separate bags and put them daily in the big blue bin, until 3 weeks ago, when I had to start sneaking my recycling into the neighbor’s big blue bin. Here’s my predicament: You know how a guy can say, “I’m going to clean up my desk,” and then he does, and that’s it. But when a girl says, “I’m going to clean up my desk,” she does it, but then she can’t stop and she has to clean out her drawers, and then her three 72″ high office cabinets, and then the office closet that had so many boxes in it, they covered the queen sized bed with two layers.. okay, I’m talking about me. I started with my desk and then cleaned out the entire office. What can I say, it’s Los Angeles and it was raining. What choice did I have? So I had two construction sized garbage bags filled with paper, and obviously it needed to be recycled. I pulled the big blue bin (which was empty) up to my front door, and filled it to about 6 inches from the top (leaving just enough room for people to put some plastic containers in it). Upon my return home after garbage pick up day, there was a tag on my big blue bin that had a big black X marking off that my bin was too heavy. Too heavy? Have you seen the metal mechanical arm that comes off of that truck and lifts the helpless bin up and dumps it into the giant truck dumpster? It’s like King Kong picking up Jessica Lange. For three weeks now, that bin has been ignored. What am I supposed to do? 1. I weigh 109 pounds. I can’t do anything with that thing! 2. The garbage divers have been in there picking around without gloves, so there’s no way I’m touching anything. 3. People have started throwing biodegradable dog poop bags in there!
2. Being confused with a homeless person. Most of my neighbors know me, so this isn’t usually a problem, but I was wearing my fur coat when I was walking my dog this morning. Now before you PETA people get up in arms, I’m right there with you. Trust me, no animals were hurt in the creation of this fur coat. It’s actually a long blue fleece robe, but with two giant hairy dogs, it is covered with hair and there’s no getting out of it. J is old enough to walk himself so as he sniffed around on the grass I sat on the steps of the “Melrose Place” like complex across the street from me, and waited for him to do his business. Well, it was first thing in the morning, I’m in the fur robe, I hadn’t combed my hair or washed my face, and some homeless dude, walks by me and tries to high-five me. As if I was going to touch his hand! So he threw an empty coffee cup at me, which had a holiday scene on it. Not very “spirit of the season, man!”
3. Choc-o-holic/sugar cravings. I have recently been diagnosed with an allergy to Gluten. This is more serious than it sounds, because if I eat Gluten it irritates my intestines to the point where they don’t absorb nutrients and then my body creates anti-bodies and attacks itself. Good times! Any way, I’m thankful it’s not a death sentence. I can live without Gluten. My nutritionist Trudy Scott also wants me to cut out sugar (she’d actually had me do that six months ago before the Gluten issue). Now that I’m eating gluten free, I’m eating much healthier, and for some reason when I eat healthy I crave sweets. As a life long choc-o-holic, this is a problem for me. There’s a reason I call the Trader Joes dark chocolate covered blueberries, “crackberries.” My problem is that the solution to my sweet cravings is dried prunes and apricots. I feel like a Grandma!
Okay, I figured I’d better get all of my complaining out of the way today in preparation of all the gratitude I’ll be sharing tomorrow.