Seriously, this is a list of things that I feel very strongly about. Women don’t do them and men shouldn’t either!
1. Spit. What’s up with that? You’ve got a cold, a sinus infection, some dairy product repeating on you? I don’t care! You don’t get to hock up a loogy and spit it on the street. It’s gross.
2. Go shirtless. (with the exception of men who look like Matthew Morrison on the cover of Details magazine. gotta love the money line!) Anyway, now I’m distracted… back to shirtless men.. No! Because women can’t. Why? Because we have boobs and unless you’re in a third world country it’s illegal to parade them around in public. Well I ask you gals, wouldn’t you say the majority of the men (and when I say men I’m referring to over 30) you see walking around shirtless have beer guts? Well guess what a beer gut looks like to me? A GIANT BOOB. And to make it worse, it’s got a lint filled nipple!
3. Snot rockets in the shower. UNACCEPTABLE! I have a guest room and I’ve stopped allowing male platonic friends to stay over, because they won’t respect the ONE house rule. NO snot rockets in the shower! I’m a girl, I have long hair, which means I have a very good, drain cover so as not to need a plumber on staff. This drain cover has very tiny holes in it, so tiny that hair can’t get through. Guess what else doesn’t get through? Giant wads of snot. It’s disgusting don’t do it!
4. Collect change in a jar. Well in my experience it’s been a jar, though the shapes have differed. One guy even had a 5 gallon water bottle filled with his change. What is it with guys and their “change spot?” woman don’t save change. We spend it, or use it for parking meters, or give it to the homeless guy who you can tell was a hot actor when he moved here 15 years ago but then got into drugs and now looks like what you’d get if Billy Crudup and Jesus (not using his name in vein, just referencing his long hair, skinny frame, beard and mustache) had a baby and left him on the street to survive in the sun with only heroine to live on. You may wonder why it bothers me that guys collect change. First reason: because they always say that one day they’re going to bring it in to the bank and deposit it so I can be taken out for a nice dinner. That has yet to happen. Which could be because of my second reason: the change collection turns me into a thief. I STEAL the change, because I don’t save it and I need it for parking meters! Why would I want a guy to do something that brings out deviant tendencies in me?
5. Put things he doesn’t want from his plate on the table. Really? Example: my ex is eating a piece of steak. He chews on the fat and when it’s too grisly, he takes the hunk out of his mouth and sets it on the table to the side of his plate. Other examples are not liking the orange slice garnish and removing it from plate and putting on table. I’m writing like caveman speak because man act like caveman when he do this. Leave any unwanted food on the side of your plate or put it on a bread plate. Not the table! It’s not okay. I know he didn’t learn it from a woman, because if a date started picking fishbones out of her salmon and putting it on the table, he’d still sleep with her, but he wouldn’t call her again.
That’s it until next time. Feel free to comment on any things “men shouldn’t do” that bug you.
Ok – something is wrong with the formatting of my post. It was funny! Honest. Can you delete it? I’ll repost.
I deleted it. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it…
Thanks RCG, I’ll repost it later tonight. I separated some lines with angle brackets, and apparently wordpress ate some of the words.
Good advice here!