It’s Thanksgiving, and my sister went completely out of her way and bought way too much food to make sure I could enjoy a Gluten free holiday with her and her AWESOME boyfriend. It’s so great when she’s with someone I like! We were at the table discussing my latest blog “Things That Men Do That They Shouldn’t,” and not having had time to read it yet, she was guessing what they were. She got the snot rockets in the shower immediately, her boyfriend wasn’t exactly sure why that was a no-no… we explained. Then I brought up the change jar, and of course he had one, and of course she didn’t and couldn’t understand why he did. And of course he explained that he takes it to the bank once a year (I’ll be he does too). Then we talked about spitting, which he said he doesn’t do. My sister guessed a few more, all which were not on the list but should be, all which he said he doesn’t do. And then I said, what was the thing that Shady (that’s what we call my ex fiance, so I think I start calling him that on the blog so as not to be confused with any of my other exes) used to do that drove us CRAZY? Now she could have named A LOT of things, but she immediately said, “You mean when he used to put the food he didn’t want on the table instead of his plate?” to which I responded with an excited yes, because it was her first guess… to which her boyfriend responded, “What do you mean? Like this?” as he pushed his water glass aside to reveal a stack of chicken parts on the table to the side of his plate. Thank goodness there was nothing in our mouths because my sister and I burst into a simultaneous fit of laughter as he tried to justify his “bad man habit” with 1. But there was no room for it on my plate 2. It’s on a napkin.
Then he demonstrated how easily he could pick up the napkin and throw it out without leaving a mess on the table. We still couldn’t contain our laughter, so he informed us that we would not do well in the military, because you’re lucky if you get a plate. I think it’s pretty safe to say, there’s no need to worry about that, as my sister and would not do well in the military for far more reasons than not having a plate. Can you say Private Benjamin?