Did I Just Do the Walk of Shame?

It’s really late… my hair has flopped… my make-up is washed out and mascara has stained the fragile under-skin of my eyes… my clothes are wrinkled and I may have forgotten to close a button… I’m walking out of the last hotel room in a loooooooong hallway, praying that no one sees me.

Before I take a step, I catch the door and “loud whisper” back into the room, “I feel like I’m doing the walk of shame!” I hear a giggle from inside the room, let the door close, and pray no one sees me as I take the elevator down to my car. The valet isn’t even at the stand.. how embarrassing! When he does come out he looks at me without judgement. How kind. He probably sees this all the time. But wait! It’s not what it seems…

All of the Superfriends had dispersed, all but Cowgirl. So we were hanging out in the lair. And if you’ve been keeping up with the blogs, YES she was eating pasta Bolognese, and if I remember correctly, drinking red wine. And NO, before you jump to any conclusions this is not one of “those” stories, we both love men too much, which is exactly what we were talking about. Men and Career Choices. I mean what else is there, right?

So I’d like to make a “formal announcement” (yes my arms are lifted above my arms in a V).. I formally announce that at the next retreat, all the single ladies need to “get a little somthin’ something’ and then report back to the lair. Somethin’ somethin’ is NOT sex (although we would not judge anyone who got lucky)! What I mean by ‘somethin’ somthin’ is as follows: it starts slowly, perhaps with a brush of a cheek, or a teasing nibble of an earlobe and continues as far as you are want it to. It involves moonlight, stars, butterflies (in the stomach not flying around because that would freak out a Superfriend who will remain nameless), electricity (again, not from a socket but from that inner surge that goes from your mind straight down to the vajooge), anticipation which can be taken to the point of torment, teenage angst (that’s why it can’t technically lead to sex because where would the angst of longing go if you give away the milk and the cow…. what? I have no idea… that could have been tangentiling), ANYWAY back to… possibly a moon roof, because somethin’ somethin’ should be gotten in a place where you were forced to go as a teenager and couldn’t go to your house like: a car (preferably with a moon roof to see the moon and stars), a golf course, a hot tub (Sommelier will like that one), an empty and open hotel meeting room, a stable (I may be making assumptions here, but we do have a Cowgirl in the group), a dentist chair (I know, that’s a weird one, but not if you hook up with a dentist’s son who has the keys to his father’s office) or a playground (just watch out that the neighbors don’t call the cops.. that is very embarrassing.. not that I would know.. okay I would and I do- it’s embarrassing!) Feel free to add your own location in the comments below.

Somethin’ somethin’ is being with a guy for the first time or a week (it pretty much wears off after that) when you have that feeling that you had as a kid, before you knew what sex was but you were dying to find out, but you knew you weren’t going to find out yet.

When Shady and I broke up, I got a little somethin’ somethin’ with a 25-year-old. We were in my car, pulled over in front of a Malibu mansion, looking at the stars through the moon roof (really a sun roof but at night it’s a moon roof), and I felt like a teenager again.. and it was AWESOME!  We didn’t do more than kiss.. well, there may have been a little over the clothes groping, he was 25 and I’m stacked, so you can’t blame him for his wandering hands… but that’s part of the anticipation that causes the electricity.  He even brought a mixed CD with him for our “driving up the coast” pleasure. The funniest thing was when he told me he wanted to play me this cool song that made him think of me. It was “Killing Me Softly” by the Fujis. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was living in Manhattan when they recorded that song, because he was barely 13 then, nor did I really want to date myself by telling him that I had heard the original version by Roberta Flack on the radio when it was released in 1973, 10 years before he was born… so I tangentalize…

The bottom line is, I did not do a walk of shame, Cowgirl and I were just talking. And the single girls need to get a little somethin’ somethin’ and the married girls will wait in the lair to hear about our conquests and then tell us how glad they are to be married and not have to deal with this crap anymore…




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2 Responses to Did I Just Do the Walk of Shame?

  1. Ray says:

    There used to be a coffee shop on 2nd Ave & 3rd Street here in NYC that I’d sit in once in awhile on the Saturday or Sunday mornings after a typical NYC holiday party night like Halloween or 4th of July. And I don’t drink coffee, maybe 6 cups a year, but I’d have a tea and pastry about 9 in the morning and linger for as long as I could take it. THAT was a great spot to watch The Walk of Shame. After all, it’s the East Village. And some of the cocktail dresses and morning after costumes were fantastic. Especially when the morning was cold. Single girls just don’t dress weather appropriate. That’s why we love ’em!

  2. I love a man’s perspective!

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