Maybe I’m at the age where I’m spending too much time with divorcing people or “should-be” divorced people, but I’m realizing that I was not the only one in a long-term sexless relationship. And people ask me why I don’t want to get married… So I can end up like them? Complaining about not having sex with their ex for 5+ years. Forget it!
So here’s my theory as to why it’s the guys’ fault, at least with women who are like me (I’m sure there’s a whole other group of women out there who don’t care about sex, but they’re not the ones I’m addressing because I can’t relate).
It typically starts like this:
Boy meets girl, thinks she’s sexy as hell and wants to do all kinds of unthinkable things to her. And then it falls apart. Why? Because to the girl, they’re not that unthinkable, in fact, she’s pretty into it, but “guy” falls for her… hard. And suddenly, it feels wrong to want to do unthinkable things to this girl he’s put up on a pedestal. He wants to be gentle and make love. [insert yawn sound effect] Excuse me…
Seriously, what’s up with that?! Then they start Facebooking ex-girlfriends, or girls they fantasized about in high school, to see if they’re in a sexless relationship and want to fill a void for them, even if it’s just IMing to get their rocks off.
Cut the crap guys and man up! One of the reasons I’m still hung up on First Love is he’s the only guy I ever had “both” with; Love and Unfaltering Attraction. And I’ll tell you why… because in 4 years we made love once. ONCE! And guess what? That was perfect for us. We were able to separate love and lust. He proudly brought me home to meet mom, and then later did things to me that a man would never do to a girl he would bring home to meet mom. That’s the balance people!
It has nothing to do with respect. He respected me, he loved me, he was my friend, and he was great in bed. NOW… since then, it’s been one or the other. I either meet guys who are my best friend and there’s spark for about 2 weeks and then they get so smitten that they get all gentle and lovey.. Gentle and lovey may have it’s place and it’s moments, BUT it can’t be all of the time. How frickin’ boring!!! And then there are the guys who are amazing in bed, but for some reason (maybe it’s because they’re at least a decade younger, dumb or angry) that they just can’t satisfy the relationship side.
This rant got triggered because I was watching Couples Retreat last night with Jason Bateman and Vince Vaughn. I’m not spoiling anything by saying it was a formulaic, predictable movie, about 4 couples in trouble and not connecting sexually.. yes there were all the typical problems that come with marriage; kids, work, exhaustion, taking each other for granted… but in the end, when they all started having sex, they were happy again! There’s a reason why it’s called a “happy ending.”
But seriously people, what did you think marriage was going to be when you signed up for it? How about when you decided to get a taxing job so you could bring home lots of bacon, did you not think you’d be tired from working hard? And kids.. come on! Talk to people who have them before you decide to and get some perspective. THEY TAKE A LOT OF TIME!!! Add in family, friends, hobbies, exercise, and what are you left with? Not a whole heck of a lot of time for sex unless you make it as important as taking your kids to soccer or signing a new client for the week.
If lack of sex and intimacy is the primary reason for couples growing apart, then why isn’t major attention being paid to it?!?!?
I guess I can’t blame guys for lack of sex in relationships, because every relationship is different. So I’ll just blame anyone who lets this foundation of every relationship go to the way side. After all without sex you’re just friends. Now I’ve lost my train of rant…