Three Ways To Cause a Puddle

I had this GREAT moment yesterday. I was walking B in the dark, talking to her like I always do on our walks. We were a good fifteen minutes from the house when a bird dropped a massive poop on my forehead. I’ve never been “hit” by a bird, and though I know it’s good luck, it was a weird experience to say to a dog, “Holy crap! A bird just pooped on me!” And have the dog not care a bit. But then, I got pooped on again on my shoulder, and I realized, it was not bird poop, but instead, the largest raindrops ever to fall from the sky. I could see where this was going. I tried to do the math problems from when I was a kid, you know the ones like: a girl and a dog are 1000 footsteps from their house, if the rain is coming at 1 drop per minute and increasing by the millisecond, how much time do they have to get home before the downpour if they are walking 4 miles per hour… but in the same way I failed my trig regents twice in the 11th grade, I miscalculated, and within two minutes we were caught in a massive rainstorm. Because it was warm out it was actually quite nice, and the smell in the air reminded me of my childhood. At one point I just started laughing and B thought I was nuts because she doesn’t like being wet one bit… it’s the only part of her personality that is “cat-like.”

By the time we got home we were both soaked all the way through. B had to be toweled off at the front door, and my hair was creating a massive puddle on the floor. It was one of those great moments that only happens on the Bachelor… cue the rain.

Tonight… little bit of a different story. B and I were out for a walk again only this time I was tired and didn’t stray too far from home. I’d forgotten the flashlight so I had to get extremely close to the ground to be sure I “cleaned up” after her to the fullest extent. I was so into my investigation of the area that I did not notice what had just popped out of the ground.. that is until I got hit with the professional sprinkler system with a jet (I don’t know what it’s called) as powerful as a fire hose! B had already anticipated what was coming, some sort of weird dog sense (or perhaps it’s her cat-like-hatred-of-water sense) and had moved out of the way. I on the other hand was now soaked from the chest up, and once again, had to sop up the puddle I left in the front hall as I bent over to clean B’s feet and take off her leash.

So I titled this “three ways to cause a puddle.” I go back to my bedroom to take off my wet shirt and there’s a text from Friend With Benefits which reads: Look up Puddle of Mudd ‘Spin You Around.’ Watch the video.

I followed directions… awww so sweet! He’s doing his best to acclimate to my music. He can deal with the country, because it’s closer to his “jam band” roots. He likes the Grateful Dead, Stevie Ray Vaughan, The Boss and Skynard & Allman Brothers, both of which I argue are Country and he argues are Classic Rock. It also helps that when we fool around to Country, he likes that I keep my cowboy hat on and nothing else. Anyway, I tangentalize… what he was struggling with were the 80’s hairbands that I’ve loved for over 20 years. I found a way to bring him around though. I’ve combined my love for karaoke and his love for me using the only part of his body that can pass for a microphone (I’ll let you use your deductive reasoning). As long as I sing Poison and Cinderella into “his mic” he is happy to listen to any music I want.

I think the Puddle of Mudd song was his attempt to merge our two worlds and I have to say, I dug the song… it didn’t create the same pool of water that the rain and the sprinkler did, but it did cause a puddle.


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2 Responses to Three Ways To Cause a Puddle

  1. DJ Super Pilot says:

    This can’t have really happened. This is the making of a treatment for pilot season, right?!

  2. Well, considering that this is “how I roll,” I’m not even sure which part of it seems unbelievable to you. This is the norm in RMC’s life.

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