I Love When My Friends Internet Date!

Why? Because they have the greatest/horrendous experiences that I will never have because I refuse to do it. I tried… once… once…. for 3 days, and then vowed NEVER to do it again. Normally, I would blog about what one of my friends are doing but since I have 3 friends and Sister all internet dating simultaneously, I won’t call anyone out, I’ll just give you the highlights. I will refer to all of my friends and Sister as “Girl”…

1. A pleasant exchange of about 4 emails went back and forth between Girl and Match Man. He had just moved to the city where she lived. Suddenly he dropped off of the face of the earth and Girl was ready to throw the towel in, frustrated by the annoying men online who consistently flake. When today, he resurfaced, with a longwinded excuse as to why she hadn’t heard from him (at least he acknowledged he hadn’t been in touch) and then went on about how it is living in a new city with no friends and no family although he considered his god, family. (Pause…huh?) Did he just go there? I mean there’s nothing wrong with having a strong belief in God, but it was a bit strange the way he just ‘stuck it in there’ all casually. But the great thing about girls, is that we analyze things to death, and this was no exception. Girl, brought her laptop into the office of fellow girlfriend and they broke it down. They re-read his bio… no mention of a deep family-like love for God, they looked over his pictures, no pictures with Jesus, Moses, or Buddha, in fact, all of his pictures which weren’t of him alone were of him and his dog… and then it hit them. He’s dyslexic, he considers his DOG family, as does Girl, so she will continue her communication with him…

2. Another Girl found herself on a date with a Guy she’d met online, a handsome, tall, smart, type of guy that you don’t imagine would be on Match, and then you remember that you’re a beautiful, smart, sexy Girl, and you’re on Match, so why not give it a try…. well, someone should post a list of things guys should NOT say on first dates, with beautiful, smart, sexy women, in fact, even if guys have done this and enjoyed it, they shouldn’t ever say it to a woman… ever. I’m not going to post a list for men, but I am going to post what this man told Girl. He thought she would enjoy hearing a story about how he’d been at a hotel/spa where men and women can walk around the pool/spa naked. Okay… we’re not there yet, for those of you who are thinking, that sounds like a great place to go, or, I’m not into it, but good for him for being so confident, he must have a large poo-ge (which is what Girl told me she was thinking, minus the large poo-ge comment which I added… of course). But he didn’t stop there.. no, he went on to tell her over dinner (gross) that there was a yoga convention going on at the hotel, and two yoga instructors joined him in the naked mud bath and they all slathered each other’s naked bodies in mud, while the two yoga instructors did naked mud covered yoga poses. Dinner date conversation? I think not!

3. One Girl dared me to look at the guys on Match in her city after a male friend of hers, who just happens to be a dating coach, checked out her options and told her in no uncertain terms, “You are fucked.” Now she’s considering OmDating, to meet spiritual guys. Here’s what the spiritual guys have to say 21 years old (Capricorn) / Conscious Male “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances”  RCG says: I hope one of those chemicals is Crack, because that’s what I’d have to be on to date you!  Here’s another spiritual guy, 35 years old (Aquarius) / Conscious Male Neo seeks Trinity for Conscious Co-Creation RCG says: Clearly this guy is on the Comic Con dating circuit too, which means he has B.O. so stay clear! Whitestar a 44 years old (Pisces) / Conscious Male is looking for love he “likes conscious minded people regardless of race, creed, orientation or culture … we are the people we have been waiting for.” RCG says: Whitestar looks like he’s doing some kind of magic trick in his picture + he has a mullet + he does not look American Indian, so why is he calling himself Whitestar? Me thinks, this Girl, is going to have to find her man somewhere other than online OR she can seek out normal people in other states, have a long distance relationship and then move out to live with him someplace where the guys aren’t so weird!

That’s all for now. I’m sure there will be more stories from the land of Internet Dating….

©2011

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