Before you get too excited… I have not seen a stranger from across a room. It’s just an amazing evening here. The air is humid and thick, the way I imagine a Louisiana night on the Bayou to be. It smells like Night Jasmine and there’s lightning but no rain. This is one of the things I’ve missed for the last 14 years- not having an outdoor patio. Now I have an entire yard. It’s is so beautiful tonight. Actually, the whole day’s been pretty healing.

It started with my first acupuncture appointment since “the bad experience.” I’m always up for trying something new, so when I was referred to Julia Robert’s blind acupuncturist, I thought, cool, I’l give it a try. He was a hard core Chinese medicine man, and I spent 40 minutes in agonizing mind-screw! I was getting the weirdest sensations of a dull ache throughout my body, especially at the needle points, and thought I was getting paralyzed.. Needless to say, I was not interested in having that experience again.

That is until I met an acupuncturist giving a lecture on being gluten free at Whole Foods. She offered a free consultation at her office, so I figured it was worth re-visiting. I had explained my bad experience and she knew exactly what I was referring to. When we sat down and talked, she agreed with everything Nutritionist had me doing, and was extremely complimentary of her. This was a very good sign in my book. Nothing pisses me off more than when people put down ‘my peeps’ in order to win my business. To tangentalize for a moment…

I especially HATE (I know it’s a strong word, but it’s how I feel) when people pose as interested clients and then mention that they do web design and try to tell me there are 50 things wrong with my website, and if I want to do “real business” I’d let them do a re-haul on it. How about asking me if I’m happy with my website first. How about asking me if I’m happy with my webmaster… after all she/he could be my sister or spouse.. and guess what all you webcrapsters trying to worm your way into my site… my webmaster IS like family to me! Okay! I LOVE HER… so back off, because if I gave her your IP address, she could have her way with you, she’s that good… she solves problems for the programmers who create my merchant account AND shopping cart. These are HUGE companies, and she’ll stay awake for 90 hours until she has cracked their system down to a single file and hands them their f-in’ mistake WHILE her house is being flooded… So don’t mess with my website! If you don’t like the copy- that’s my bad… if you don’t like the video- again, that’s me- if you don’t like my content- don’t visit, BUT DON’T YOU DARE mess with the backend of my site because my webmaster will eat you and your computer for a snack and then spit out your heard drive and your heart…

Whoa- did not realize I was going there. I guess I got one too many emails this week from jerks trying to ‘optimize me’ anyway, back to my acupuncture. The difference between Chinese acupuncturists and 3 gorgeous blond female entrepreneurs who’ve been trained by the Chinese, is that the Chinese have been practicing  acupuncture as their primary source of health care for 2,500 years and think that babies like me should suck it up and trust them. Do not question the Chinese Medicine Man. On the other hand, the female entrepreneurs who have studied this old science, understand that for someone like me, who grew up with doctors, and find this a little “woo woo” they need to provide lots of literature explaining what they are doing and the effects of their ‘doings’. This was extremely effective. Because as I lay in a spa room, with pillows under my knees and head, and gentle meditation music playing, a sci-fi lamp with two bulbs spreading heat over my body, a quartz stone placed on my heart chakra, and some citrus-y scent sprinkled over my chest, the dull achy sensations from the 30+ needles sticking out of my body, suddenly felt “healing” instead of scary. Of course when Blond #2 put 2 needles in my left ear, 1 needle in my right, and 1 more in my third eye, and told me it was to quiet my mind, I told her she was going to need a LOT more needles.

Yet, I fell asleep. I woke up, still with the weird ache, but it has subsided, and not only is my tension decreased, but I have full range of motion in my shoulder which has an injury. How is that even possible? Qi apparently. I go back Saturday and I’m hoping the needles feel a little better, but if not, I’ll focus on the outcome.

Then I went to Yoga. No, Muga Man wasn’t there tonight, which was kind of a blessing, because I really got to go deep in the meditation of my practice. Then I came home and took my Epsom salt bath, and I am super relaxed, smelling the Jasmine and watching the lightning flashing. Good times…

©2011