What did I promise you, Cowgirl? What did I promise you?!?!? NO MORE FIXER-UPPERS… and what did I do? Find myself a project that had been completely demolished and thought I could rebuild ‘just the foundation’… that’s it, just lay a little concrete.. no wooden beams, no hammer & nails, no saws… I just couldn’t help myself. Psychic told me that “rejection is God’s protection.” Well, he’s been trying to protect me for two weeks now, and I keep making excuses for IC every time he re-engages. I tell myself this guy is going through tough stuff and I should be sympathetic (bang in a nail), that he needs someone in his life to make him happy (put up a fresh coat of paint), his wounds need to heal (fill in with a little spakle) that I should be supportive of a friend in need (create an air duct). Well where’s my air duct? Does anyone care if I can breathe? I don’t need any spakle, my wounds aren’t that deep. I’m certainly too young for a fresh coat of paint… but as far as getting nailed.. yeah, bangin’ must be part of the deal! So….

I’m done with IC. I know he just has a stomach ache tonight. And I know it’s not personal that he texted me 5 minutes before I was about to leave for his place, to tell me he wasn’t feeling well. I also know that I was smart enough to not put my makeup on because I just had a feelin’. And because I’m sick and tired of this feeling and because acupuncture is making me feel so dang good, and in honor of my personal freedom returning tomorrow.. AKA I’m going to have a car again… I am going to turn this stomach ache into a torn abdomen, which will cause this relationship to ‘bleed out’ resulting in its death.

I think I need a new character in this blog The Therapist! Seriously! Why do I keep attracting guys who suck all of the beautiful light out of me. Then leave me dim. I want a man who wants to watch my light glow brighter and brighter until he’s so blinded that our light just becomes one which creates one big bright beautiful light. And as I remember from the Psyche classes I took in college, there are only so many problems, so if you work backwards, you can find a cause for any pattern you may have. There are so many wonderful guys out there and I’m somehow blocking them from entering my atmosphere, because I’d rather fly around space cleaning up debris. WTF, y’all?

Maybe it’s not the ‘guys’ I’m attracted to, but the ‘story’… after all, I am Romantic Comedy Girl. Shady had the ‘psychic story’ and I really thought that would be a cool one for the grandkids, until I realized I was going to have to have kids with that train wreck in order to have grandkids. IC would have been a great story too. “A Camper and his Counselor reunite decades later to find love.” Good log line, but let’s face it, the number of ‘false endings’ this rom com is having is way beyond the typical structure and not in a good way. I don’t want to live a story which would get awful coverage from CAA!

Okay, so now, Therapist? Nah. I’m thinking Love Coach… I’ve got to know one of those. And if not, one of the Superfriends has got to know one of those. And if not, one of YOU have got to know one of those. YES, I need a Love Coach character. She is going to tell me how to get a man. And I don’t mean any of that ‘Rules Book’ crap. No games, no lists of my dream man’s qualities, no online profiling. I just mean- who I have to be to stop attracting fixer uppers, or what rehab program I have to get into to stop wanting to find the most broken birds I possibly can so I can glue their feathers on, one by one.

It happened somewhere between First Love and First Boy Toy, because First Love was not a fixer upper, he was a good looking, confident, smart (and I’m not just writing this because I know he reads this even though he told me he’d stop) ambitious, goal oriented, focused guy who knew what he wanted… which at the time was not a crazy actress who wanted to move to California.  Then there was the decade of boy toys where I had no emotional connection whatsoever. And then a string of boyfriends AKA fixer-uppers.

Something happened along the way to happily ever after… and it is my mission to discover what it is so I can have the love story I deserve! Love Coach… I’m summoning you out there in the universe, come to me…

©2011