It’s a Kenny Chesney song, and I can’t get it out of my head for three reasons: Let’s start with the tequila because that’s an easy one… Tequila makes me crazy because I have NO tolerance, and therefore, drinking it would literally make me crazy, like hallucinogenic crazy. I know this to be a fact because my freshman year of college, I got peer pressured into doing a shot by half the football team. They were yelling at me! And I hallucinated my foot being on fire, and wearing a fur-lined winter parker that not only did I not own, but the snow I was seeing was not falling because it was late spring. Not good times. But while I’m on the subject of college… another SHOUT OUT to Loverville, who mentioned me in her blog and tons of her cool peeps, came and checked me out today. So a Hi Y’all to Loverville’s readers as well! For you new readers, that is what is referred to as tangentalizing.. check out the glossary, for more fun terms you may want to brush up on.

The second reason is a line in the song, “It’s always your favorite sins, that do you in…”

The third being my favorite sin, the youngins’ and have I got one in my sights. I will not touch, but he is giving me ‘material!’ Okay, I don’t think I’ve told you about him before, but I may have mentioned him, though I think I was with FWB at the time so probably not.

He’s GOT to be in his twenties, though with the music he plays, he could be older, but I doubt it. He subbed for my yoga teacher a while back, and I was woozy over him then. I’ll refer to him as Rocker Yogi, because he has longish hair, wears a bandana around his head like a 90’s rocker (not an 80’s rocker where it covers the whole head and the long hair sticks out, but a 90’s rocker so it’s folded into a 3 inch band that covers his forehead and ties around the back, so his sexy deeply set eyes are almost covered by his long bangs).  When he subbed, I asked Rocker Yogi where and when he teaches. I was all chatty because I was gettin’ some from FWB, so I knew he’d be good eye candy, but there was no risk of getting cavities. I’ve been avoiding his class ever since, and finally I broke down and went, thinking, I could handle it.

I was so wrong! First, let me preface it by saying the average age of people who take yoga at the two gyms I go to is 47… and that may be a little young. But when I showed up to his class it was packed with blond, tanned, giggly girls barely in their twenties. I had to laugh. It certainly brought me back to reality. But reality didn’t last long. The first pose he had us go into was child’s pose (how apropos) and within seconds he was right behind me, pushing down on my back as I breathed slowly, trying to practice slow ouija breaths, but I could feel my heart beat quickening and my breath was sure to follow.. those hands!

He “attended” to me three more times during class hold my hips, pulling my shoulders, twisting my waist.. it was heavenly. I haven’t had a “touchy/pressy” yoga instructor in years… since the hot Australian who got fired for having sex with the members… and no, I wasn’t one of them… dang it!

When we went into corpse pose, and he kneeled behind me to press my shoulders to the floor, I thought his large hands were going to slip down my shirt… wishful thinking!

Good lord he’s so hot! And he plays Nirvana. Doing yoga to grunge and rock music HOT! And I’m not talking about the temperature in the room! And then as he says his gratitude monologue at the end of class, he thanks the wind for bringing in good waves. He surfs!

I want to ‘plank’ him!  I want to ‘flow’ all over him! I want to up and down his dog!

Whew! Glad I got that off my chest. Now that I’ve written it down, hopefully it will be out of my system, so I’m not tempted to put on my tiniest yoga gear and let out heavy sighs when he touches me next time. “It’s always your favorite sins, that do you in…”

Seriously, do guys not age well? Why am I never attracted to a guy my age in this way? I need some Patron!