The thunder has been rolling and the lightning has been striking… literally and figuratively. Yesterday I landed in a lightning storm. From the window of the plane it was spectacular. Twenty minutes of watching the sky light up and electric bolts skip across the sky. For about a minute I wondered if it was safe to be flying in a lightning storm. I mean, what would happen if the plane was struck? I considered asking the pilot on my way off the plane because he was hot and I wanted to talk to him, but I decided it was better that I didn’t know. Then I decided they must have a safety feature on the plane because they fly through lightning storms all the time.
The thunder rolling was the anger brewing in my entire body. People with kids I apologize, but I assume if you are reading this you’re a good parent so it doesn’t apply to you anyway.
I fly a lot. I’ve had screaming babies on the plane and you know what? They don’t bother me, because they’re babies. They can’t control themselves, their parents can’t control them, and frankly I feel awful for the parents because they must feel terrible. HOWEVER! If you’re children are 5 and 7 and using their outdoor voices from the moment they board the plane to the moment they de-plane THAT, parent, is on YOU! The two brats behind me were so close to being screamed at NOT by their parents, but by ME, that it was scary. I was scaring myself, because I love kids. I was a camp counselor. I am kind to kids. But these kids were bringing out the thunder in me and I was roaring under my breath curse words that their dad, who was sitting next to me, pretended he didn’t understand. Yes, they were bilingual, and just as loud in both languages. I blamed that dad! Damn straight I did. Which was why I kept saying “shut the f*@k up” loud enough for him to hear but not them. So HE could feel uncomfortable. What the French, Toast?! Discipline your kids! I don’t care what you let them get away with in your house, but in a an airplane, surrounded by adults, you’d better turn around and tell your kids to be quiet! And if you’re not man enough, your bimbo wife better do it!
And the thunder rolls…
A few hours before that, I left NY where I was not supposed to be. My uncle died. There is NOTHING worse in the world than a daughter seeing her dad in pain. NOTHING!!! I was with family for the last five days, and while there was plenty to blog about, none of it was funny or romantic, so that explains the lull since Thursday…
And the thunder rolls…
Before that, I was in Los Angeles working and when not working hanging with Sister (which was only about 5 hours because I was mostly working). I snuck in two classes with Yogi Cupcake, who is as yummy as always and gave me an inspirational relationship talk, which was supposed to be one of my blog entries because it was so profound. I told him I’d wished I’d been recording our conversation. He said that I’d remember what was important and that I got it all stored away on a subconscious level. Well, I hope so, because I’ve already forgotten everything he said. I need one of those pills Bradley Cooper was taking in Limitless, which I watched on the iPad during my trip and it was pretty good.
I also got to see Sexy Mom, her hubby, and her two kids who are so perfectly behaved that if I ever heard anyone tell them to be quiet using expletives under their breath, I would kick that person’s ass!
And the lightning strikes!
At least it did when I rented my car in Beverly Hills. I’m not a fancy girl. I don’t need a fancy car, so when I travel, I get an economy car. Apparently, the gal at the rental car facility didn’t think I belonged in a Kia, because she told me she was giving me a free upgrade, which I thought was very nice. I didn’t know how nice until I went back to pick up my car and the guy was gassing up a Mercedes. Uhhh… that was some upgrade! It would have been even better if I could figure out how to use the dang thing. I made two country CDs for my drive down to San Diego, but could not figure out how to get them into the player. I also spent 22 minutes trying to figure out how to open the gas tank. I tried calling my friend who drives a Mercedes for both problems, but he didn’t answer my call either time. Rats!
And the lightning strikes!
The people who brought me in to speak in San Diego did a FAB job with my hotel accommodations. I had a great entry about that too, but I was so tired after my bubble bath, that I had to sleep. In a nutshell it was about how luxurious the room was and all of the benefits a guy could have had if “a guy” was in my life, because that room was definitely made for two! I really think since I’m going to be flying around the country speaking, I should get a hot male assistant to travel with and of course one of his duties would be “making the most of the room” with me. And I don’t mean raiding the mini-bar.
So the thunder has been rolling, but on the bright side, lightning has been striking… and I’m back. No more 2 week hiatuses. Thanks for hanging in there for me!