Anticlimactic And Abercrombie

I’ve been waiting… I’m sure you’ve been waiting… it’s been three weeks! I needed it sooooo bad! I showed up, I had my tight yoga pants that show off my cute butt, I had on my tiny top that shows off my abs and my cleavage… I walked into the room and saw a thin white embroidered blanket draped over the yoga mat in the front center of the studio. Rocker Yogi does NOT drape anything over his mat. NOOOOOOOOO! All that waiting and anticipation for his gentle hands. My cheap thrill for the week- GONE! I have to wait another week… or wake up early for an 8:30am class. My fear of that is that he’s not going to wake up. He likes to apologize at Sunday yoga for sleeping through his alarm clock during the week (another sign that he’s waaaaaay young!) I used to sleep through my alarm clock in college. Actually, I dreamt the song on the alarm clock. I’d be at a Bon Jovi concert or a Janet Jackson concert, but I didn’t wake up. Finally, I had to start putting it in between stations so it would sound so annoying that I would wake up (a sign that I’m too old for him because they don’t even make radios that you can put ‘in-between’ stations anymore. It’s all digital). Heck with all of the iPods and MP3 players, I don’t even know if they make radios anymore. Remember rotary phones? I tangentalize…

On a funny note…

My mom has come up with a new dating strategy for me and we put it into effect yesterday. She picked out her favorite men’s store… Ralph Lauren, and walked us over to the fitting room. She found a shelf to sit on and hid herself behind the suits, while leaving me out on display so all of the men who came to try on clothes would have to pass by me.

As they approached she make a deep buzzer like noise if she didn’t like their looks and a high pitched “yeah, yeah” if she thought that the incoming male was cute.

While it was a very clever idea, after about 45 minutes, the store guard started walking back and forth giving us the stink eye as if we were in cahoots in some Ralph Lauren heist. Dude! Really? I haven’t liked Polo cologne since I was in high school, so go back to the front of the store and save the world from preppy shoplifters.

Another sign that I’m getting old… I would have preferred to use mom’s strategy in Abercrombie and Fitch because at least if the guys trying on clothes weren’t hot, the half naked ones who are hired to walk around the store are… BUT the music is too dang loud! Only an old person would write that!

Now I must re-strategize, because the plan is good, but the store was wrong. This strategy runs in my mom’s family. Her cousin wanted to marry a doctor so she would hang out in hospitals and visit people with little or no family… she got her doctor. I don’t want a doctor and I sure don’t want to stalk a hospital.

So, what kind of store would a guy I want to date shop in? Hmmm… William Sonoma! It means he probably cooks right? Oh, but no fitting room. I like Gap guys, but for the guy I want, Gap would be a wardrobe filler. Hugo Boss? Or is that too gangster? I’m not versed in upscale men’s stores. I’ll have to check with Sister, she knows everything about shopping no matter what gender or species for that matter. She knows every upscale doggie day spa in town.

I suppose I can stake out the Nordstrom Men’s department…

©2011

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2 Responses to Anticlimactic And Abercrombie

  1. Loverville says:

    This is hilarious! Hm, I have to start thinking of stores where I’d want to man-stalk. Except in my neighborhood, they’re all gay, so…

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