Background music for this post
I never liked The Cure. I thought Robert Smith had an awful voice, but when First Love played them, I had to admit that the lyrics were great. I think this is a beautiful compromise. Kind of like the beautiful compromise that has become my life.
Tonight I went out with another guy friend. It was Monday night football and our two opposing teams were playing each other. But before, during, and after my shower to get ready I was texting with FL. Harmless stuff about his freezer… I know random. And yes, you did read that right, I was texting during my shower, and no, I don’t have a waterproof iPhone, but he’s worth going in and out of the shower for.
Anyway, I’m in a sports bar watching the game, (which was painful because my team was acting like Shady… in other words, not being able to finish anything they started!) and FL and I are still texting and maybe it was like a mirage in a desert, when a dehydrated woman sees a body of water… only in this case the body in front of me was a bartender and he looked just like FL when he was in college! Not exactly from the front, but the profile was eery! I told FL and also told him I wasn’t going to pick him up and he wrote back, “Why not he sounds cute.” I don’t know if you’re laughing now, but I laughed!
And after I laughed, because the game was so boring and the poor guy I was there with is going to have a bruise on his arm from all of the times I punched him, I just stared at the bartender. I almost asked him if he would let me take a picture of his profile. It was freaking me out!
Of course then I think I was freaking him out because I was staring at him and not in a “cougar” way but in the way that a scientist stares at a new discovery with awe and wonder. It was probably uncomfortable for him because he knew I wasn’t “checking him out” I was just staring at him like he’d grown a second nose… but really I was just fascinated that his nose was FL’s nose and his lips were FL’s lips and then I wanted to kiss him.
But that would have been wrong. I’ve never been with a guy and fantasized about another guy.. and I mean while we were fooling around not during my alone time or I never would have made it with Shady for 7 years in a sexless relationship! I must have fantasized about 759 guys when I was with him… but who’s counting.
Anyway, so back to the lips. Would it be wrong to close my eyes and touch his face and image it’s not his face I’m touching? Would it be wrong to kiss him and imagine it’s FL I’m kissing? Maybe yes, maybe no, but I think the reality is, the moment I touched him I’d feel the difference. He may turn out to be a good kisser but he wouldn’t kiss like FL.
This post won’t be as dramatic as my last post about First Love because our texting was friendly and harmless tonight, so it was just nice to have contact with him and not want to tear my heart out after.
Then after the HORRIBLE game, my guy friend drove me home. He’s paid our bill while I was in the bathroom. I can’t tell if these guys are wired to pay for women whether they are interested or not, or if they pay it means they’re interested. This guy has been told I’m not interested in anything more than friendship. I’ve known him since I was 11 though we haven’t seen each other in 2o years. So when he dropped me off and went in for the goodnight hug… yep! Gave him the fist. It took him a few more seconds than my other friend, but finally he gave me “the bump.”
I think it was the perfect ending to watching a football game. THE FIST BUMP RULES!!!