Magic Mike is coming… What will you do with him? Click to Tweet This

That’s right, Ladies, I want to know what you’ll do with him! It’s all I’ve been hearing about from my girlfriends!!! My single ones are already declaring, “I’m going to have to have sex after that movie!” So they are busy going through their smart phones trying to figure out which guy in there is worth all the re-connection drama, for a booty call. My married friends are saying, “My husband better be ready when I get home!!!”

First of all, to my married friends, here’s a suggestion: Have your husband drop you off. Yup, that’s right. Call a babysitter if you need one, but he’s going to have to stop watching baseball or CNBC, and drop you off. Tell him it will be worth it. Why? Because THEN he has to pick you up. And when he does, you are going to be all kinda worked up.. trust me, I’ve seen the rated X trailer, even if these guys couldn’t act their way out of a paper bag- which they all can- bonus- you will leave READY for sex!!

Okay.. back to the topic at hand. When your hubbie comes to get you, have him bring a tie or a scarf, or for you Fifty Shades fans- a belt, to bind your hands for the entire drive home. DO IT! Listen to me, married friends, you’ve been complaining for years about how your sex lives have gone to the wayside for one reason or another, so here is your chance for a reboot! It’s DOUBLE the anticipation. First, you’re sitting in a movie all fired up, THEN you’re in the car, where you’d like to be all over him, but you can’t because your hands are tied. Your angst, is a turn-on to him, so while he may have been skeptical at first, he is now on board!  When he gets you home, it’s up to the two of you to take it from there…

Single girls. Hmmm. Do you really want the drama that comes with booty calls of the past? I think this calls for a better plan. You have 8 days. Go back to the health club you’ve been avoiding and find a hot front desk kid, trainer, yoga instructor… make sure he’s single and young (but legal) … and not terribly bright, and start flirting. If you need a backup, go to Abercrombie at the mall, you’re bound to find one there. Then after a few days, be straight with him. Say, “I’m going to see a movie on Friday night, I’d like to see you after for an hour or so.” Go to his place or a cheap motel. He should NOT know where you live (or he becomes one of the drama boys in your smart phone!). Do NOT sleep over!

And for all the single girls who will want to have sex but won’t because they’ll feel slutty, be sure to stop by Target and get yourself a detachable shower head with adjustable jets!

All that said, you Ladies realize that these places DO exist off of the movie screen right? And the guys there are hot, like in the movie!  Maybe we need to take the girls night out from Book Club to the Thunder Down Under. Just saying.

I believe that’s all the advice I have for now. You can stay tuned for my review in eight days which I’m eagerly counting down.. and by eagerly I mean I’m watching a White Collar marathon…

©2012