As someone who is very aware of the power of the subconscious mind I had a dream… I feel like I’ve started a blog entry like that before, but there have been so many, hopefully you’ve forgotten. Bottom line, I can’t even cheat in my dreams! I dreamt about First Love last night. It was one of “those” dreams, but he wasn’t married anymore. So of course I woke up with my body not knowing what just happened, or more like thinking it knew what had just happened but then realizing it was a dream. The problem with the unconscious mind is that the conscious mind knows it was a dream but the physiology is VERY REAL. Like if you have a dream you’re being chased and you wake up in a sweat with your heart racing… same thing, only I woke up in a sweat with my heart racing for different reasons.
I think I had the dream because after telling him not to contact me, I put a friend in contact with him for business reasons. So, I woke up and went to LinkedIn to look at his profile. I like to do that every time he’s on my mind because it’s the only place I can find a picture of him… other than my closet, but those are from 20 years ago. I switch over to my profile to approve a request to connect that came in, when I noticed something I’d never seen before.
Apparently, 26 people had recently viewed my profile. That is great right? WRONG! Because right after I read that, I discovered there was a way to “view” who viewed my profile. Are you putting the pieces of the puzzle together yet? How is a girl supposed to cyber stalk her first love if he knows how many times she’s “viewing” his profile! OMG Hold on you’re not going to believe this… I don’t believe it…
Guess who just texted me?!?!? I’m not kidding. Perhaps he was in the dream with me last night.. wishful thinking, but if so, FL you’ve gotten even better with age.. but I tangentalize…
He texted me to thank me for referring a friend to him. I told him I was just thinking about him. Yup… I opened Pandora’s box on that one (actually I was listening to Pandora at the time and Taylor Swift’s “Back to December” was on…) I made a joke about watching Harry’s Law and that there may have to be an appeal, to which he replied, “Good show, overturning rulings is very tough business” to which I replied “David Kelley has a solution for everything.” His reply, “Except cockroaches.” To which I started to reply, “Well Harry killed a rat with a gun so I think David can find a way to kill roaches….”
That’s when it hit me… what an odd choice of obstacle to throw to the brilliant David E. Kelley… and suddenly it was clear and I deleted my reply, so as just to be sure, and wrote, “you didn’t.” To which he replied, “I do.”
HOW THE HECK DID he find it?!?! I’m trying to remember if I shared this secret blog with any of my sneaky sorority sisters!
Well, let’s just say there is a WHOLE lot to be dying of embarrassment about, right about now, including this blog that I must post because I can’t sacrifice my integrity as a writer just because he’s reading it. Oh good lord why am I such a rule follower! I may have to go JayWalk today to prove I “walk the line.”
I’m just going to pretend he’s not reading this, and he is not going to text me when I write about him because then I’ll still feel free to write what I want. (That was the Jedi mind trick so he will obey).
You see? THIS is what happens to me on the way to Happily Ever After… I am a living breathing romantic comedy in progress!!! Please let it end well…
so where’s the happy ending (the clean version)?
I don’t know if there is a happy ending for this story… [insert Debbie Downer sound effects]
20 years? Seriously?
Come on, common knowledge says it takes half the time the relationship lasted to get over the relationship. This is just holding you back, I fear. I’m a worse hopeless romantic than most, but 20 years!!??
In the book there’s a chapter titled: First Love Never Dies… Unless You Kill It With A Chainsaw. 🙂