He Bought Me a Toothbrush

He’s very clever in his ‘seduction’. If you’re behind on your blog entries, I’m referring to Friend With Benefits. He’s been doing these thoughtful things like turning up the temperature in his house by 4 degrees so I won’t be cold when I come over, and making sure his fridge is filled with things I like (things I mention in passing that he clearly takes note of), and of course feeding me all of my favorites like steak and salmon. He listens, he implements. But here’s the clever part… if I call him on it, he claims “it’s part of my benefits package.”

Last night, after we went to the gym, he pulled out a packaged toothbrush and put it on the counter. “For when you sleep over.” Uh oh… he knows I don’t “sleep over”. Unless you’re in junior high, friends don’t have sleepovers. He could see what was going through my mind and said, “Well you’ve already broken one of your rules.” Off of my confused expression, “You just showered here.” Did I say I wouldn’t shower at his place? I can’t imagine why I would have. It’s not in my “rule-book.” For one, I’d just been at the gym, so I wasn’t going to get a little ‘somethin’ somethin’ without showering, and secondly, fooling around in the shower is hot, so why would I say that? I think he’s trying to confuse me, jumble my rule book so I’ll slip up.

I admit, having my first friend with benefits, is a bit confusing. The line between boyfriend and boy-toy has always been clearly defined. So this new venture has me on my toes. A boy-toy never leaves the bedroom (or any other room within the house where somethin’ somethin’ is happening). A boyfriend you do fun things with, you cook with, you go out and meet friends, AND there’s an emotional connection. And hence my confusion…

The difference between friends and boyfriends is that friends are for life. Boyfriends always have the potential for break-up. Now, that logically means that you have even more of a sense of safety with getting emotionally attached to a friend, because you don’t have a fear of losing them, potentially. So if one is emotionally attached to a friend and then you add in sex, what’s the line between boyfriend and friend with benefits?

Could it be the toothbrush? Hmmm. I’m pondering. Because I used the toothbrush. DON’T JUDGE ME! He made me salmon for dinner, I had to use the toothbrush! Which means… it’s not the actual use of the toothbrush, but instead, ‘when you use the toothbrush’ which means it’s back to my original theory in that the difference is ‘sleeping over.’ And here’s why…

The other night, he spooned me. Yup he did. He was wrapped so tightly around me it felt great. I could have fallen asleep in his arms… THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A TACTICAL ERROR! Falling asleep in a guy’s arms, creates intimacy. Then you wake up the next morning and what’s the first thing you think of? The toothbrush!!!

DJ Super Pilot, cue 80’s Hairband Winger song “Headed for a Heartbreak”…

One of us is in trouble. I haven’t figured out which yet. I feel like I still have my game plan straight, and I’m sticking to my playbook, and I’m using all the right moves.

He’s got some good moves too, he has home field advantage, and he’s making up ‘plays’ as he goes (and adding them to my ‘benefits package’).

I don’t know. Maybe I made an error using the toothbrush. I should have packed my own, kept the advantage on my side of the court. I think if I do an on-side kick I can recover. Jeez I’m mixing my sports metaphors! I think I lost my train of thought! I could focus on all of the things wrong with him, like the fact that he doesn’t like sports… but he makes up for that by playing guitar… naked. Rats! What I really need to focus on is the fact that I DON’T LIVE HERE…

DJ Super Pilot cue Carrie Underwood’s “This Is My Temporary Home”…

That’s right! I don’t live here… and he does. And so does his family and his two daughters, SO this can never be more than friends with benefits, and if he wants to make that benefits package so fabulous that he becomes the ‘friends with benefits equivalence of  a Lexus Dealership” then so be it! I will eat my chocolate chip cookies, get my nails done and putt on the green! (don’t worry Nutritionist, that was just a metaphor, because Lexus Dealerships bake fresh cookies, but I don’t eat them), And then, like I do when my car is done being serviced… I WILL GO HOME!!! I WILL LEAVE!!!

All I need is this toothbrush…



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6 Responses to He Bought Me a Toothbrush

  1. DJ Super Pilot says:

    DJ Super Pilot Cues the 80’s…I feel like you should be singing this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqWkFF-TbMU

  2. Yes, well, I just saw his Puddle of Mudd and raised him a http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyUZQodw_wY

  3. I just laughed SO hard my mom ran in and asked what happened! You really are a SUPER DJ Pilot

  4. DJ Super Pilot says:

    YOU…are welcome! Anything that I can do to solidify my rep AND support the adult diaper industry…:) It’s all in a day’s work! xxoo

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