While You Were Having Sex, I Was Eating a Bowl of Cereal and Watching American Idol

Yep, that’s what Cowgirl said to me after I made a formal announcement that I received 48 emails from the Superfriends while I was having sex.  That’s a lot of emails, granted FWB has the stamina of an 18-year-old so we were at it for a while, but still that’s a lot of emails. The Superfriends seem to be at odds over whether it’s okay to get a little somthin’ somethin’ while we are at one of our 5-star retreats.

As someone who has waited almost 2 years for sex, I’m going to have to give a HUGE endorsement to this idea. The Superfriends are ALL Type-A Girls, who work their asses off, and have huge responsibilites, like kids, parents, staff, companies, and all of these things bring stress and a need for control. Guess what’s a great de-stressor and a fabulous opportunity for letting go of control? A few hours of Somethin’ Somethin’

I definitely want Cowgirl to get some. Sommelier too, but I only have room for one picture in today’s post so it’s going to Cowgirl.

Here’s the thing, if you haven’t read her description, she’s frickin’ hot! And lately the only thing she’s been riding is a horse… and that’s not a joke. That sexy bod needs to get some action! I bet the kids on American Idol are getting action… I bet they’re not sitting home eating cereal! They’re famous, they’re rockstars! Well guess, what? When we go to our 5-star retreats WE ARE THE ROCKSTARS and it’s time to start living like them… minus throwing heavy expensive stuff out of windows into swimming pools and doing scary drugs that can kill us. And what is the number one thing that Rockstars are known for? Groupies.

Therefore, when a hot boy-toy, who is not dumb or angry but IS locationally challenged, is on the dance floor with you and can’t stop hugging you… it’s time to lasso that boy in, hog-tie ’em, and eat him like Southern barbeque… slowly and relishing each bite!

Now, if I know Cowgirl, she’s blushing, even though she’s home alone reading this in front of her computer. And I know DJ Super Pilot will probably dig up some song about peer pressure and give me a good scolding. And I’m sure Sommelier is getting warm from her red wine as she anticipates what I’m going to write for her assignment on our trip. BUT I don’t care, because Nutritionist won’t let me have chocolate so I’m having sex instead, and I want to spread the joy… and it is joyous!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I feel there needs to be some kind of formal pact made, that there is at least the intention to get somethin’ somethin’ while on our trip, this way no one will feel weird or slutty about having a roll in the hay (I have to keep using farm references because this is dedicated to Cowgirl). So here is my proposal for The Pact:

Cowgirl will get buck wild with a man at least 8 years younger than her…

Sommelier will have a “nameless” encounter (that means you don’t know his name and he doesn’t know yours)

DJ Super Pilot will eat raw food off of a chiseled man’s naked body

If not for yourselves, do it for all of the readers out there who will never go on a business trip and get an opportunity like this and want to read about it here… because they WILL read about it here, so spare no details.

When you get back to reality, you can go back to searching for the soulmate who will be more likely to show up when you’re feeling confident and revved up after a night of fabulous Somethin’ Somethin’!

©2011

 

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12 Responses to While You Were Having Sex, I Was Eating a Bowl of Cereal and Watching American Idol

  1. Sommelier (Cheers...) says:

    CRAP! That is so not me. Just got a ride home after copious amounts of wine from … yep you guessed it — the hot guy, who — doesn’t want to “mess with nice girls”. True to form. He really doesn’t want to mess with nice girls… I begin to wonder — though I know I’m hot “What the hell is the deal?”

  2. Not wanting to mess with nice girls is another way of saying that he doesn’t want a relationship and he thinks you’re the type of girl who would get hurt if you tried the Friends With Benefits route and he doesn’t want to hurt you. You are so hot!!! Never second guess that.

  3. Sommelier (Cheers...) says:

    I get that. AND respect it. At the same time. Just want someone to ROCK. MY. WORLD. Bastard.

  4. Cowgirl says:

    Okay, so by the time you posted this entry, I had moved on from cereal and Idol to my bed…alone…checking FB on my phone…. and very nearly spooning….my cat. Clearly it is time to save a horse and ride a (much younger) cowboy. Yee Haw!!

  5. My work is done here… Put that on your record player and spin it DJ Super Pilot!

  6. Cowgirl says:

    Sommlier – bastard is right. After all, you definitely are the full meal deal. You are all that AND a bag of chips! You are so money and you don’t even know it! I think RCG is on to something – a younger, intelligent, not angry, geopraphically challenged FWB who will worship you!

  7. Sommelier (Cheers...) says:

    Agreed! Damn it.

  8. DJ Super Pilot says:

    Oh no you dinnent! Reading this post feels like I just entered an all-you-can-eat raw food buffet for the low-low price of $5.99…..where do I begin?!-)

    Dear ‘Nice Girl’ Sommelier: Do you want to die wondering? Of course not! How will you ever know what it’s like to have a hot, nameless, cowboy at our next rendez-vous. What if saving the world depended on this? What if all of the baby giraffes in the world died because you didn’t have sex with nameless cowboy? Would your morals be worth it to you then? Exactly! Repeat after me ~ I am a woman! I was given lady parts do with them what God intended for those lady parts. Now take 3 deep breaths!

    And in the wise words of SNL genius, Stuart Smalley ~ You ARE good enough, smart enough, (sexy enough) and gosh-darnit, (men) like you (and want you)….just sayin’!

    Love, Ann ‘DJ Super Pilot’ Landers

    Dear ‘Time to Ride a Man, Not a Horse’ Cowgirl: I feel like you are the leading lady in a romantic comedy……eating cereal in her jammies, watching reality TV, longing for a hot Cowboy with a big lasso, but staying inside b/c her inner voice says “Giraffes will die if I have sex (just one time) with a young buck. I don’t want to be the reason that giraffes go extinct. So, even though I want to get my groove on like RMC, I’m just gonna sit here and eat my cereal each night, b/c that’s what good girls do.” Well, guess what? Your sexual relations will not kill even ONE giraffe, not one time (imagine Clinton’s voice), so put on your designer cowboots, and bedazzled get-up, and go give the kitty-cat some action (and no, I’m not talking about spooning YOUR cat)

    Love, Ann ‘DJ Super Pilot’ Landers

    And YOU – RMC- YOU…..have made a sister proud! You are in reverance to God by making *really good use* of your lady parts. You, my friend, are going to heaven! That’s right, I said, you’re going to heaven. While Sommelier and Cowgirl are listening to this, you can enJOY the RIDE:

  9. Surf Girl says:

    Oooo I am excited for cowgirl! She’s been winnin’ a lot of horse-show classes so needs to win a little in the hay too. Will be exciting for her to get buck wild with a man at least 8 years younger than her…

    Surf Girl

  10. Cowgirl (yeehaw!) says:

    Okay, my new best friend is Surf Girl! Here is my new theme song:

  11. Cowgirl (yeehaw!) says:

    And by the way, Ann DJ Super Pilot Landers…..its a unicorn, not a giraffe….

    • DJ Super Pilot says:

      I know, but I didn’t want to plagiarize, and hey, what do you have against giraffes? They are part of God’s creation too, ya know. I think they were even on Noah’s Arc?!-)

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