What Goes Well With Wine…

If you ask Sommelier, she can give you all kinds of food suggestions. She can pair a wine and cheese, a wine and meat, a wine and fish, a wine and chicken, a wine and chocolate, a wine and gluten free pasta, a wine and raw food and on and on…

Therefore it is our job, as romantic comedy chicks to not only pair Sommelier with a great wine, but a great man to drink it with… and of course when the drinking is over the evening will just be beginning…

Here’s how I want this to go…If you read the cast of characters, you know Sommelier has the best boobs of the bunch, so, I’d like her to be wearing something showing lots of cleavage. Why? Because, that will attract ‘boob men.’ I think they are pretty self explanatory, no need to add them to the glossary. Now, stick with me gals, we are not trying to find her The One in this post, we are trying to find her the One Who Will Rock Her World! As DJ Super Pilot pointed out to the Superfriends, guys who are overly impressed with themselves, aren’t great in bed. Why? Because, they don’t think they have to try very hard.

Therefore, we want a guy who is good looking, but who doesn’t know it, OR wasn’t always good looking, maybe he was a nerd who got contacts and a good haircut, or lost a lot of weight and still doesn’t get that hot girls are staring at him.  Yes. We also want a guy who sees that she is at a work retreat which means a few things… one being that he has to be smart enough to realize these few things which are:

1. That Sommelier is a strong, confident, female entrepreneur

2. That Sommelier doesn’t need a man to fulfill her, but just for tonight she needs a man to FILL her

3. (most important) That Sommelier is at this retreat with 100 other powerful women, some whom will be getting the details if he delivers the 5-star wine and truffle combo, OR many whom will get the details if he brings cheap wine and stinks up the room with bad cheese. IN OTHER WORDS.. his rep is on the line!

Okay, we’re manifesting here, so Sommelier wants her world rocked, and we all have different definitions of that. For FWB it was seeing me in a cowboy hat and boots.. and that’s it (sorry cowgirl, it was his fantasy, didn’t mean to steal your rap). But for Sommelier, I have a feeling that there should be more passion than fashion, and he must worship her as the goddess that she is.

Here’s what else I want for her: I want him to be a gentleman, I want him to have fresh breath, I want him to have good tongue skills (and not just for tasting wine), I want him to have a creative side so that she gets to experience something she’s never experienced before, I want him to have rugged hands but no callouses, for some strange reason I want him to call her ma’am.. not because she’s old enough to be called that, but because he’s ultra polite and has the utmost respect for her, I want him to have a five-o’clock shadow, I want him to be hung like a small banana (it’s been a while, she doesn’t need to get all stretched out by some guy with a hammer-cock- yes, I said the ‘C’ word)

Here’s what I want from her: I want her to use the ‘C’ word when she’s ready for him… stop blushing Sommelier and have another sip of wine. If you have to practice, just say the alphabet letters + ock over and over until the ‘C’ word gets as easy to say as “bock” “dock” “rock”.. speaking of which, guys like when you combine the ‘C’ word with “rock”.. just sayin’. I also want her to look him in the eyes, I want her to bite her bottom lip when ever he says something even remotely sexy, I want her to brush her fingers over her cleavage when he’s in the middle of an interesting story, this is so no matter how important the topic is to him, he is reminded that nothing is more important than keeping his eye on the prize. I want her to take her panties off halfway through the conversation NOT in front of him, she should excuse herself to the ladies room and do it. This is not for him, he shouldn’t even know about it, she may even choose to slip them back on before taking him back to her room… or better yet going back to his so she can leave when she’s done! This is for her so when she goes back to sit with him, she has a sexy secret, which will make her even more enticing to him, though he won’t be able to put his finger on exactly why she’s suddenly so much sexier.

So that’s it for now. Feel free to chime in on what else we want to manifest for the Goddess of Grapes…

Until next time, in the words of Sommelier…

Cheers!

©2011

 

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2 Responses to What Goes Well With Wine…

  1. DJ Super Pilot says:

    Oh my! Me thinks someone was livin’ a little vicariously through Sommelier’s future escapade. I like how you pulled a Sesame Street on her ass, you know ~ c…………..ock, c………ock, c….ock, c..ock…………………………..

    I also like how you have real concern for her vajoooooooge……not wanting it to be damaged by a hammer cock, and all. You are a TRUE Superfriend, RMC!

    Dear Sommelier: Your friend has a good point, and in the words of our long-lost 80’s girl band, Salt N’ Peppa, Whatta Man, Whatta Man, Whatta Mighty Good Man she wants for you. Repeat after me ~ I deserve a mighty good man, yes I do. I deserve a might good man. Repeat it in the shower, in the car, perhaps even during intimate moments with yourself (TMI?). Take deep breaths and allow your conscious mind to adopt this new belief….thatta girl!

    And if the ‘c’ word is not your thing, you could emulate the wise Fiddy Cent and see how Magic Stick or Lollipop rolls off your tongue (no pun intended). It’s all about being comfortable with the male organ that is going to penetrate you in a much more gentle way than a hammer c%&k. Give yourself permission to do what was so natural for Adam and Eve……God would want that for you.

    Ann “DJ Super Pilot” Landers

  2. Sommelier (Cheers...) says:

    Ladies ,

    I love you!!! Thank you for your support and encouragement on my journey to get a little. I must say I do miss the human touch — it’s been a while. I think lack of sex is making me dangerously crazy. It’s a freaking catch 22 — get stupid with sex (seriously cannot think for weeks after the “deed”) and dangerously crazy without — shouldn’t there be a happy medium? AND it’s the dangerously crazy that worries me.
    Disclaimer: Not crazy like psycho crazy — just bad judgement crazy. So, I appreciate the mantra “I deserve a mighty fine man”. Because I do. And I’m going to work on being open minded about the new spin on alphabet soup. RCG — thanks for throwing in some charm…I am beginning to think I am ready to be charmed.

    Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am for the Super-friends?! Really, ladies, you are the best.

    Cheers!

    P.S. It’s Friday night and…

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