Seriously Retailers, Get A Clue!!!

I’m no brainiac. Genius is not a word to describe me. I’m smart in certain subjects. Retail is not one of them. I worked at Benetton for six months in college and that was enough…

So why is the solution to save the retail economy SO FRICKIN obvious to me and yet it’s not being implemented? I have a very serious question for you retailers… do you want women to buy the clothing in your stores? I mean if you don’t, the easy solution is stop putting clothes out on the rack. Stop putting out bikini separates for girls like me with big tops and small bottoms, because quite frankly we hate trying them on! And apparently, you don’t want us to because we walk into your dressing rooms to find Fun House Mirrors and Public School Lighting. WTF?!?!?

I have a great body for my age… you know what? I have a great body for a 25-year-old, so WHY when I put on a bikini in your dressing room is it so frickin’ traumatic? Why do I have to see things on my body that don’t exist anywhere else? Including high noon sunlight?!? Why when I put on a pair of skinny jeans, do I look like I am 4 ft tall with piggy legs? It’s disturbing. It makes me want to NOT SHOP! And if I don’t shop I don’t buy and if I don’t but you don’t make money and if you don’t make money YOU GO OUT OF BUSINESS!! Remember Alexanders? I don’t! They probably had warped mirrors and fluorescent lights.

IT IS SO SIMPLE! I may be living in a dream world with my mirror at home which makes me look 5’9″ without heals and a size 0, even though I’m 5’4″ and a size 2, but it makes me feel good when I go out. When I put on a bikini at home, I have the feint impression of a six-pack. My gym gets it. At my gym I look like a lean Corey Everson.  You know why? Skinny mirrors. They’re not stupid. They are the exact opposite of you. They want people to sign up and then not come. So if they make us look good, we figure, “why should I go to the gym?” So why don’t you get it? Why don’t you realize that for an investment in skinny mirrors and mood lighting, you would sell a buttload of clothes including bathing suits and lingerie! Ask the gyms where they buy their mirrors!!!

I would not dare to say that I’m the first girl to ever bring this to your attention, so why the heck aren’t you doing something about it?! It’s got to be an easy fix. I bought my mirror at TARGET… in other words.. it was cheap. I’m not asking you to spend a lot of money to make a little money, quite the opposite!

I bought one bathing suit at Nordstroms today after taking in four. I’m quite sure that in any other light I would have looked fabulous in all four, but YOU screwed it up big Nordstroms! You lost three sales because of Clown Mirrors and Cheap Bulbs SO THERE!!!!

©2011

 

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