Saturday Night It Was Steak, Burgundy, and Sex! Sunday I Met The Kids…

As in skirt steak (yum!) Ron Burgundy (yes, he watched my favorite comedy in full), and did I say sex? I meant GREAT SEX!!! So, when he asked me to go with him to the club the next day with him and his girls (4 & 6 SOOOOO cute!) how could I say no? I was not of right mind! I was on a red meat high, laughter released something in my brain that made me giddy, and I believe I mentioned the sex was GREAT!

Soooooo…. Sunday I find myself at the club (he’s not shee shee foo foo, but everyone else was) with his two girls, and he may as well have not been there, because I spent every second with the two little monkeys! To the point where one of the six-year-olds friends asked if I was the babysitter. I hope it didn’t go unnoticed that I can still pass for a babysitter, because there is always a gap… young babysitters and granny babysitters, and girlfriends, I was wearing my string bikini covered with my white cotton “s0-you-think-you-can-dance” salsa dress, which was quickly becoming see-through with all the water being splashed on me in the kiddie pool. It was as close to Sports Illustrated Model as those country club husbands were going to get, so NO, they did not think I was a granny sitter! WOW major tangentalizing… where was I?

Ah, yes, so, “No, I’m not their babysitter, I’m their friend…” who cannot get enough of the little rug rats! I played baby and momma polar bear, I enjoyed allowing them to fake being cold so I would wrap them in a towel and snuggle them until they giggled, and the best of all was coming up with creative ways to get them to eat and let me put their sunblock on. Not to mention it was a total ego boost when Friend With Benefits asked his girls if they wanted him to get them changed and they each clung to my legs and said, “No!” (translation: we want RMC to help us). When they dropped me off, the four-year-old looked like she was going to cry.

I’m beginning to understand why certain species of wildlife eat their young. These kids were so cute, how do you not eat ’em. Delish! Anyway… I get a text from FWB:

FWB: I was blown away how my girls took to you and how great you are with them. They don’t take to people just like that.

CUE Cowgirl’s “Ruh Roh” sound effect

Me: I had a experience as a camp counselor 😉

NOW, he has invited me to the club with his brother and sister-in-law (both whom I knew back when I was 16 but haven’t seen since) and his mom, for his daughter’s 6th birthday party.

CUE Cowgirl’s “Ruh Roh” sound effect

This is starting to get complicated. But I am holding my ground. When his friend from high school, who met us at the club with his wife and girls, asked me where I lived, I replied, “Los Angeles.” He looked at FWB with a confused expression. It needs to be clear that I DON’T LIVE HERE and I don’t plan to. I am here for work… I am here for work… I am here for work…

FWB wanted to see me again tonight. I had to set some boundaries:

Me: Tonight I have a date to watch The Bachelor

FWB: Oh, great…

Me: FWB, will you accept my rose?

FWB: RMC, it would be my honor to.

Me: Well, well, well… someone is familiar with “Bachelor lingo.”

FWB: Where are you taking me on our special one on one date?

CUE Cowgirl’s “Ruh Roh” sound effect

Seriously, y’all… your girl’s in trouble here!


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