I knew it… I jinxed myself. I figured, I’ve been smiling my whole life. How hard can it be to smile at guys? I do it all the time. But today something was different. Maybe it’s because I was smiling with intention. Today the smile became…… a weapon!!!
The first victim was at the spa. I was sitting in the coed waiting room. There was spa music playing and the sound of the water feature. An especially pleasing scent was emanating from a tiny machine. I was seated in lotus position because I had put my iPhone away before entering the premises. And then a guy walked in. He wasn’t my type by any means, but the point of this exercise is to create good habits that open me up to meeting the right guy. I smiled at him as he sat down. There was a moment of hesitation and then he half smiled back just before reaching for his phone to check emails. Fine he hasn’t read Dating Guru’s blog. I wasn’t giving up that easily. A few minutes later, he stood up to get some spa water, and as he came back toward me, I hit him again, with my smile, this time, I got my whole face into it. I smiled with my eyes, my cheeks, even my forehead got in on the action, all culminating in a grin from ear to ear revealing that my mouth is so large that there was room for my molars to grow in comfortably, and had I been a shark, there would have been plenty of room for additional rows of teeth as well. And there it was, his own personal, heartfelt smile. And he felt it. He felt it so strongly that he walked right into the wooden chair, stubbing his toe, and spilling his water everywhere. To say he was embarrassed is an understatement. Then fate came to my rescue as I was called for my treatment and he was left to sop up the mess of the water and his bleeding toe. That will teach him to wear open-toed sandals.
Of course, he could just be a clumsy guy, so I was not deterred from my mission. Later in the day I was waiting for an elevator, and not expecting anyone to be inside, I rushed in, almost colliding with a FedEx guy. I quickly apologized for my rudeness (Mom taught me to always allow people to exit an elevator before entering) and as backed up to let him exit and finished my apology I put a button on it with a big glowing smile… and his hand cart, piled high with packages, got stuck in the crack between the elevator and the 3rd floor and the contents tumbled to the ground. Ooops. Luckily they fell out of the elevator so I could get in and leave the scene.
Still hadn’t quite caught on to the “smile effect” and thought I’d give it a whirl in Costco. Great place to pull out a weapon, because there aren’t giant stacks of things to be knocked into, or in the poor high school kid’s case… walked into. At least it wasn’t the artichoke jar display. It was giant bags of dried cranberries. In my defense, he didn’t look like he was in high school… I’m getting too old to judge age. I figured he was at least a college grad, I mean he was in Costco, and you have to have your own Costco Amex card to get in. It was a logical defense, until a shrill voice from behind me said, “Aaron, what did you do?” The shrill voice was Aaron’s mother… she had the Costco Amex card, and he had A LOT of cranberry bags to pick up.
This is serious! I skipped yoga tonight. I didn’t want anyone cracking a spine. And now I’m worried about 3. Get Out (look where that got me) and 4. Speak to Strangers (If smiling at them is causing this much damage, speaking to them, may darn well kill them!) and 5…. don’t get me started on 5. I’ve already begun preparing myself and in my research THIS is what I’ve found:
I am very Very VERY frightened of number 5!