Dating Guru Diet Day 4… Getting Creative

I’ve decided to leave my Type-A Overachiever Attitude out of my dating life. If I didn’t I’d be beating myself up for being on day 4 and still not past step 3. Get Out. Because I had such a lame “Get Out” on the day I as supposed to do it, I’ve made a conscious effort the last two days. The obstacle has been getting from step 3. Get Out to step 4. Speak to Strangers. I’ll elaborate on that, though first, I want to get past Step 3. so here goes:

I’ve put some thought into this.. a strategy if you will, so yesterday I went to 3 places:

1. I chose a place where I would like to go and would therefore thought if I met a guy there, we would like to do similar things. It was a 100-acre Japanese Garden and Museum. The gardens were beautiful. I spent two and a half hours walking around and sitting on benches, overlooking ponds of giant koi fish and turtles. I summoned some breathtaking orange and black birds to sit by me and join in my meditation. I even attracted a bunny. I tend to attract bunnies, not as often as hummingbirds, but enough that I notice. Well, I learned two things at the Japanese gardens: 1. Only guys who get dragged there by their girlfriend or are gay, go to Japanese gardens and 2. Furisodes are the most important kimono for a young unmarried woman. Furisode means swinging sleeves, and the more vibrant the colors, the better to attract potential suitors. The longer the sleeve the younger the woman. So basically the Japanese can walk around in a Kimono and depending on the style, color, and length of the sleeves, a guy can tell they are available, their age group, and that they’re good to go.

2. The second place I went was a nice restaurant that reminded me of dining in Napa Valley. The food was delicious, but when I went to hang out in the bar after, I saw IC’s mom. Remember that sinking feeling I DIDN’T feel when I saw Shady? Well I got it when I saw IC’s mom, so I headed out of there so it wouldn’t be awkward and headed to…

3. “The Avenue” which is blocks and blocks of restaurants and stores that are packed with people of all ages hanging out, listening to live music, drinking, being merry… and in the case last night, NOT being my type.

Today I took a more practical approach. Dating Guru has not yet told me to make a list of what I want in a guy, so I’m not sure if that is an assignment, (but as I said in a previous entry, if it is, I will post it here) but if I were to make a list, one thing that would definitely be on it is: Handy.. not Magruber handy.. Macgyver handy. So today I went to… not one.. not two.. but THREE different Home Depots.

Here’s why transitioning from step 3. Get Out to step 4. Speak to Strangers has eluded me. You see, I speak to strangers ALL THE TIME. I have no problem striking up a conversation with someone in an elevator, on line at the grocery store, sitting next to me in a movie theater- anywhere. I could probably start up an interesting conversation with an inmate in a prison. Literally I can talk to people who don’t speak English, and we make it work. The problem is, Step 4 has an underlying agenda. The purpose of speaking to a stranger, is to see if he is potential dating material. There was not one stranger whom I wanted to start a conversation with. I was not attracted to one guy in any of the places I’ve been in the past two days, except one of the gay guys at the Japanese Garden, but clearly when I struck up the conversation about the Bonsai Tree, he humored me, but had no intention of switching teams. And once again, my childhood Poo-ge Envy rears it’s ugly head.

I’m going to have to skip Step 4 and here’s why.. and Dating Guru, correct me if I’m wrong, because I have no trouble starting up a conversation with a stranger, I don’t feel I need practice in this area. I feel very much at ease breaking the ice with a guy I’m attracted to. The challenge is finding a guy I’m attracted to. So, it appears I’m on to Step 5. Join an Online Dating Website (and for those of you reading this blog for the first time, you can read about the steps at Love and Life Blog).

It looks like my next blog entry will be my online profile for your feedback. Did I mention 67 times that I’m NOT looking forward to Step 5? Well just incase, here’s #68: I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO INTERNET DATING!!!


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2 Responses to Dating Guru Diet Day 4… Getting Creative

  1. Dating Guru says:

    Love your willingness to put yourself in places to meet single men. It seems like besides your visits to Home Depot, you were thinking more like a woman than like a man. If you were a single man looking to meet women, would you be at the Japanese Gardens or a nice restaurant? Or would you be at a sports bar, bowling alley, pool hall or lounge? Men like to be in locations that allow them to be active and socialize. Networking events and professional mixers are also great places to meet men.

    As far as speaking to strangers. I’m glad to know you find this exercise easy. Many people don’t. So if it’s not necessary for you to practice it then there’s no need. Move on to your online dating profile. Please do not create a list. Instead, create a love vision. For further tips on creating a winning online profile, find my blog here:

  2. Dating Guru says:

    Received this in my inbox today and thought of you:

    My name is Mastin Kipp & I am the Founder of The Daily Love.
    Photo by Brent Mullins.

    Mastin Kipp

    Break ups happen. Relationships. Partnerships. Sometimes things just fall apart.

    Have you ever been SO in love with someone or so happy in a partnership and then all of a sudden it just falls apart? I have.

    After getting enough distance from a former lover or partner, I found myself STILL pining over them. It may have been months or even YEARS later and I was still wishing I was with them. Even though I KNEW it wasn’t healthy or for my best interest. There was a deep desire to get back into relationship or partnership with these people.

    I wanted to move on. I wanted to love again. I wanted BIG LOVE. I wanted a partnership in business that helped me flourish and realize my dreams. So I asked The Uni-verse why the Love from my past had turned into poison of my present.

    I got an answer. I began to see something really clearly. It was profound, yet simple.

    I began to see that I was in love with or stuck on the IDEA of them. What I was pining over in my head wasn’t who they really were.

    I was remembering all the good moments, but forgetting the bad. I would remember why we decided to come together, but forgot why we broke apart. I was spending so much time thinking about this IDEA of who I thought these people were that I wasn’t present. I wasn’t present for new love or a new partnership.

    Underlying this pining was hurt and below that hurt was fear – fear of being hurt again. So there was the hurt from the break ups and then the fear of that hurt being repeated.

    These two things kept me debilitated from moving forward for a long time. It was easier to stay closed down than it was to open back up. But I made a promise to myself to never let the pain of the past dictate the choices of my present. That is to say, I asked my heart to become stronger instead of risk becoming less scary. I decided to try my best to stay open, rather than let fear win and close down.

    ‘Cuz the truth is that we are here to learn and The Uni-verse teaches us best through contrast (aka pain). So slowly, but surely, I decided to open up.

    I still tip toe into new situations; it is scary for me to open up to one person. It’s MUCH easier to write blogs that are seen by thousands of people, which is ironic.

    Part of me still judges myself as my former relationships judged me. Sometimes my inner critic is the loudest voice in my head, but I still keep the intention to be open.

    The only other option is to close down. And when you do that, you end up starving yourself of the most important thing on earth – love. Our bodies can be alive without love, but it is IMPOSSIBLE to truly LIVE without love.

    So, as an exercise today, if you have an ex of any kind that you can’t seem to get over – ask yourself – are you pining over them or an IDEA of who you think they are?

    Ask The Uni-verse for clarity, It will give it to you.

    Most importantly, stay open and receptive to new love, new friendship and new partnership. Being receptive to new people and outcomes is where the magic really happens.

    I’m wishing you all the best from my heart that you are released of this Love from your past that is now a poison of your present moment. You may think it will take more time to get over them, but The Uni-verse is ready, RIGHT NOW, to give you love, to give you joy and to give you your heart’s desire.

    If I were to take my own advice, what would that look like for me? It would look like showing up even when I’m scared of rejection. It would mean expressing the words, sentiments and thoughts that Love moves me to say. It would mean letting go of the outcome and just being present with whomever I am with. It would mean being vulnerable rather being perfect. That’s how to create a life of loving relationships. Love is always right there for you.

    Your job is to open up and let it in.



    I am open to new love.

    I am open to new partnerships.

    I am open to the Love that The Uni-verse has for me right now.

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