The Bachelorette AKA Seriously, Producers?

I’m pleased to announce that as I type, Sister is here reading her weird Facebook messages from strange guys in Africa. Must be a new Facebook Spam. What I’m pleased about is that we’re having a 5-day sleepover and plan to go out so we have funny stories to share with you. Stay tuned.

In the mean time, Sister and I must bag on the Bachelorette. In a little segment we call “Seriously, Producers?”

First of all, who fitted these guys suits? Seriously, Producers? Can’t you find wardrobe for these Bozos? Take a look at the suit Justin Timberlake wore in his opening monologue… (time out, Sister is reprimanding me. She says, “Um people don’t have $8000 to spend on an Armani or Prada suit.  Most guys go to the Men’s Warehouse.”) Sister is right, however, it’s not about the brand or the price tag. It’s about the fit, bitches! Sister argues that the Chef and the Fourth Generation Butcher don’t know how to shop for suits, well maybe the Chef does… she says that it’s a hard thing. Sister also says, “I’m just saying, most women don’t really get their clothing tailored to fit either.” And sister brings me to the next section…

The Butcher? Seriously, Producers? What was that weird vogueing he was doing, and why did he speak like Rocky? And what was up with the pregnant………..pause before each thing he said. Seriously Producers!

Hold on… Sister’s on a rant, “Bentley is a poor excuse for a man. He’s going to go on the show and treat Ashley like that? And he has a daughter? WTF kind of role model is he? Gross! Seriously, Producers? You’ve got a U Penn dental student, who’s pretty, sweet, funny and kind… and you’re going to throw a Bentley in the mix?” This is not Bret Michael’s Rock of Love! We are girls watching this show. We want Ashley to find love. We don’t get bored with romantic dates, so, Seriously Producers, don’t offend us, with a Bentley. I may have to turn “A Bentley” into a glossary word! Every time you meet an A-Hole he will be known as a Bentley!

And Seriously, Producers, Phantom of The Opera? Who thought he was a good idea? And we know you’re forcing Ashley to keep him for the drama of the show. We’re not fooled, although we do laugh every time you strategically place him on a balcony and play organ music. But Seriously, Producers, is it necessary to keep making the Phantom antagonize Tim, and then walk away. Clearly Tim desired him, which is why he so cruelly pushed him away… and then when he was gone, Tim hit the drink.. and he hit hard!

And Seriously, Producers, Bear Snoring sound effects? Ferris Beuller’s snoring stereo was more realistic than that. And forcing poor Ashley to try to wake him up? Tim? …. Tim?…… Tim………. Tim? (poke poke) Tim?(jab jab)….. Tim… (Ashley clearly looking to the segment producer to let her leave the scene, but she is instructed to continue poking him.)  Seriously, Producers, even my mom said that she will never get those ten minutes back.

Do we need to discuss the guy who called his mother? And then for the mother to tell her to wear protection in the fantasy suite? Seriously Producers! Are they having sex in the fantasy suite, because Ashley is a good girl and I don’t appreciate “Momma’s Boy’s” Momma insinuating sin…

Sister brings up a great point. What’s up with the guys who got voted off, crying like little weenies? They’re not actors, they don’t know how to cry on cue. They spent like 40 seconds with her and they’re crying? Seriously, Producers.. the guy who came there knowing she was the love of his life and discussed it with his parents. Did you have Makeup blow menthol in his eyes to make him cry like that? Seriously, Producers, is that fair? Do you really think he’ll ever get a date now? You ruined his life! Seriously Producers!

And what’s up with Ames? Seriously, Producers, his teeth were freaking Sister out, and so we know they must be freaking Ashley out because she’s a dentist. Why’d you make her keep him over short yellow tie guy? At least he was cute.

Now Seriously, Producers, why do you feel it necessary to spoil all the dramatic plot lines by revealing in coming attractions what’s going to happen during the rest of the season?

And on a serious note.. Seriously, Producers, how do I get in touch with William, because he looks like Josh Lucas, and does somewhat funny impressions, and he’s like 26 which is perfect. So, Seriously, Producers… I want his number.

©2011

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2 Responses to The Bachelorette AKA Seriously, Producers?

  1. Yvonne Hall says:

    It is good to hear that:
    A) you and sister are having fun
    B) your TV expectations are still so high after all the ‘boob’ tube you’ve been watching, I mean seriously — we’re on like season 400 here and though they should know these things, seriously, you know people who are like those producers, seriously … they seriously SUCK
    C) you are still looking for more fish in the sea even if they have current commitments;)
    Have a great slumber party! Can’t wait to hear all about it.
    26 year olds huh … seriously? JK — you can pull in men between the ages of 16 and 94 with the bat of ONE eye!

  2. Well, you know old habits die hard… I’m no longer looking for a 26-year-old, or Dating Guru and Soulmate Guru would both give me homework that would keep me too busy to play with him.

    Even though it’s like season 400, I’ve only seen 3 seasons of the Bachelor, the first one sucked me in because he was a NY Giant, Sister sucked me in for Jake, and Brad.. well, you know how it’s human nature to stare at a train wreck. And other than Trista, (who I love and I’m so happy she’s still with Ryan) this is my only time watching the Bachelorette…. and I’m not sure I’m going to make it too far…

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