My Love Hate Relationship With The Bachelorette

I’m a romantic comedy girl, the Bachelorette is all about romance… so I get sucked in knowing FULL well how contrived and scripted it is. What I hate about the show is how complicated they make it, with the “Bentleys” and the drama and the insecurities. What I love about it are the one on one dates. What I hate about it is how they coach the guys to act hurt when they get voted off or to say in their confessionals all those lovey dovey things… or do they really feel that way? And if so, is there hope for the institution of marriage? Go with me here…

Let me preface this by saying this applies to all Bachelor/Bachelorette shows that I’ve seen which started with Trista (she was my first… tough act to follow), The NY Giants guy (had to, he was a NY Giant), the Firestone winery guy, Jake, Brad (the second time), and now Ashley. So, I’ve missed quite a number of seasons, but I got the gist.

As I said, I LOVE the dates, they’re the only part of the show I care about. I love the thought that goes into planning them so they are appropriate for the person being taken on the dates (even if it’s perfectly crafted by the producers). I love the locations, sure Thailand is beautiful, but I’d be perfectly happy on a dating tour of the good ole US of A.

I love the conversations they have, yes, I know, they were carefully cast so they’d have stories of hardship and growth, but don’t we all have these stories in our lives, and wouldn’t it be beautiful to share them with a guy taking me to my first honkey tonk in TX, or in an outdoor jacuzzi in the snow of Aspen, or deep sea fishing in the FL keys, or kayaking with the seals in La Jolla, CA?

I want a date where I have front row tickets to a Superbowl, and if it’s somewhere cold, my date has supplied us with toasty warm weather gear care of a personal shopping day. I want a date in the Hamptons where we cook Lobster in the sand.. I don’t even know how it’s done, but I was at a party in Malibu once, and they did it and it was cool.

I also want dates where I’m pushed out of my comfort zone, so when they’re over, we are exhilarated with adrenaline and closer than ever, like going in a cage with sharks around us… there, I’ve said it!  I’d be scared as hell but I’d be a better person when the cage was pulled out of the water, and I was safe and sound. I don’t see the thrill in bungee jumping, but I would like a Zip line date…. again, it terrifies me, but I’d do it. And if I don’t get a boyfriend soon, I may just go on girl dates with AdventureBiz Babe, because she wouldn’t bat an eyelash at these…

I want the simple dates too… a picnic in New Mexico somewhere in nature, where perhaps we’d see wild horses run by.. do they have them in New Mexico? If not, a picnic in a state where there would be wild horses, or buffalo, not as appealing to the eye, but historical. A beach at sunset, someplace tropical, white river tubing in Oregon, a meditation retreat in Sedona.

To simplify it even more… how about a home-cooked meal by candlelight, with new dishes and new music, to make it feel like out of the ordinary in the ordinary. How about a date in a rainstorm, where we wash each other’s hair?

Have I been duped by the producers and the guys fighting for the love of Ashley? Or are there really still romantics out there? The way I see it, is if a guy loves romance as much as I do, and we both make a commitment to maintaining that romance for the rest of our lives… couldn’t there be a “happily ever after?” Is it so far fetched to think that these well-thougt-out dates planned by producers who’ve asked these guys a few page loads of questions, couldn’t be planned by two people who are spending enough time together to ask the same questions because they actually care about each other?

Yet, I can’t say that I hear my friends in relationships or married, bragging about their romantic dates. When does the disconnect happen? Almost EVERY girl who has been engaged has a romantic proposal story. Even Shady gets an A++ for his proposal arrangements.. he gave me my Pretty Woman moment.. literally, re-enacted it in a sense, down to the hotel balcony that Vivian hangs off of and the double doors that she runs through to jump on the bed… Only when I ran through the doors to jump on the bed, there was a heart made of rose petals with a ring in the center.

So much thought and planning goes into a proposal. What if even an 8th of that thought went into a date once a month? Isn’t there time for once a month?! Six times a year the girl plans the perfect date for her man and six times a year he plans the perfect date for her. TWELVE DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR?! Can’t it be done? Imagine connecting as deeply as Trista and Ryan once a month. I use them because they’re still happily married so I believe what happened on that show for them was real. You can think I’m a sucker, and I am… a sucker for romance.

I have to believe there’s the Yin to my Yang out there… somewhere, a man who wants to get a one on  one date card from me every other month… someone, who wants to see my face light up when I open his one on one date card. If I could spend the rest of my life thinking of ways to make the man I love happy every day, ways to make him smile EVERYDAY, and he felt the same way about me… I’d be happy for the rest of my life.

And you know what? I won’t settle for less, even if it means I’m going to wind up a crazy old lady in a mental hospital, filled with delusions of romance, it’s better than the alternative… settling for second best. Nope, my soulmate is out there and we will find each other, and I will accept his rose…

©2011

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4 Responses to My Love Hate Relationship With The Bachelorette

  1. AdventureBiz Babe says:

    You’ll get that rose….but until then…..I say we go on a meditation retreat in Sedona after climbing Bell Rock or Boynton Canyon! Imagine a flask of wine while watching the sun set on red rocks. And there’s nothing like climbing by a headlamp!

  2. Renee says:

    Romantic Comedy Girl, I am so with you on this one! Much better to be alone than not in the right company! Keep waiting for your soulmate/Prince Charming on the white horse and I will, too. I know that they will show up sooner or later:)

  3. Page Turner says:

    I love the Bachelor/Bachelorette but for a whole other reason. It fascinates me to see just how far people will go for fame. We saw it with Wes, Jillian’s season, regardless of what Bentley would like us to think he was NOT the first guy to go on that show just to dupe the girl and now we’ve seen it with Bentley. What amazes me is that these guys and a few of those girls think they’re gunna look cool? My husband works with someone who knows Bentley and of course now Bentley is telling everyone and anyone how pissed he is because he’s come off so negatively. Really? What did you think was gunna happen? I think those shows are a fascinating social experiment. Totally fun to watch and I completely cheat and read reality steve to find out who wins in the end. It’s even more interesting to watch that way because you can watch how much the producers try and manipulate the audience.

    As far as finding that romance for yourself goes, here’s my theory. Find the guy and everything you do will be that romantic even if it’s just taking the dogs for a walk. Some of the best dates I’ve ever had are the spontaneous ones, the ones that you find yourself holding that persons hand in a random place doing something so simple or so stupid but thinking I’m just so happy. Those dates always outshine the over the top planned out perfect dates because there’s more soul to them. If you focus too much on romantic over the top dates then before you know it it’s just like the show and you’re left with real life and suddenly you realize that maybe it’s the romance you love and not the guy. I think that’s why so many of those relationships from the show don’t work, once the romance is gone then life settles in and the couple realizes that maybe the eliminates surrounding the show are what they loved not each other.

    • I totally agree with your theory on “find the right guy and everything will be romantic” AND I call that time the honeymoon period… it usually lasts about 4 months and then there are glimpses of it once in a while. I think there’s a compromise. The over the top dates don’t work on the show because they’re everyday for weeks and they didn’t know each other b4… I’m talking about keeping romance actively alive, with someone I know I love. And yes, I’ll still love the romance, but that’s just me, no matter what.
      xo to you Page!

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