Hanging Out On Love And Life

I spent a lot of time on Dating Guru’s site Love and Life tonight, because this internet dating has got me SCARED SH*@LESS! She has a GREAT post that made me laugh out loud “What’s Most Important In A Potential Mate? I love the lists written for each decade. And of course, I took it to heart.

Today, I was at the gym, and I swear every other guy I saw is from the dating site. Did I tell you they removed my picture? You couldn’t see me in it anyway, and I’m not putting another one up. It’s proven to be interesting, in that the guys who do write me, either didn’t read the profile and are just sending out a “Hi” to everyone who is female, or they did read the profile, and took a chance on a “no-picture” because my “War and Peace” as one guy joked, is funny and charming.

But then I look at who sent the email, and there is just no way. And it’s a bummer, because, they are very witty. But it just goes to show that there are good guys out there for women who want to date guys who look like they’re just out of prison or old enough to be a grandfather.  Seriously ladies, I’m a little scared to leave my house because apparently every single man within’ ten miles of me between the ages of 40-47 are bald, tatted, and sportin’ a fu-manchu. And there is NO WAY that these guys are telling the truth about their age, unless guys in this area age unusually early, which is possible with the tropical sun.

I even filled out a ‘Chemistry’ quiz, and I don’t know who engineered this thing, but he or she should be fired! Here’s what my report said about family:

Family Orientation

As someone low in family orientation [uh, hello! My family is the most important thing in the world to me! I chased a guy up the street with a butcher knife to keep him away from my sister who was in the house], you’re not sure whether raising children and developing a family is what you want out of life.  If you don’t have children, you’re probably not very sure whether you desire having any in the future. Or, perhaps you’re not ready to settle down into a serious relationship just yet.[1 question about wanting kids, and my answer was no, because I don’t want to physically have any, but where is the question about him coming with kids? That’s my dream, instant family- dumb quiz!]  It’s not necessarily that you are opposed to the idea of having a family, it’s just that you’re not convinced that the domestic lifestyle is for you. This sentiment is illustrated by the fact that you don’t particularly enjoy doing things around the house-like cooking and entertaining guests [Since when does “not enjoying cooking” illustrate that I don’t want a domestic lifestyle? Where was the question about “do you love to fold laundry or unload the dishwasher?” to which both would be the answer yes! AND I’d do it in a French Maid’s costume, so don’t illustrate me as the un-domesticated goddess! And who said I don’t like entertaining guests? Where was that illustrated? I LOVE throwing parties] . Instead, you tend to prefer eating out at restaurants and going to clubs and parties [Who the frick are they talking about? I can’t eat gluten, sugar, or caffeine which means I HATE eating out! I have been to 1 club in the last decade, and it was only so I could blog about it for you gals! And parties? What parties? Where are these parties that I prefer to go to? The last party I went to was Hip Mom’s son’s 3rd birthday party and he just turned 4!]. It’s possible that in time you might prefer spending more time at home as you may eventually grow tired of late nights out. [it’s 1am and I’m blogging in bed, which is where I am every night that I’m not asleep by 11. Seriously? This is a chemistry test?] However, your voracious appetite for excitement might make staying at home on a weekend night unappealing. [YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!]

This next part is on my “lack of self-control” REALLY? No control? ME? SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE FIRED!!!


The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate. Well that’s kind of true, in the Sister always tells me I’m too blunt

Here’s where everything goes terribly wrong..

As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. UMM.. me? Not focused? Not detail oriented? Is this like when you go to the Doctor for blood tests and they accidentally switch your blood sample and you get someone else’s results? 

Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. ME? TOO RELAXED TO FOCUS ON A PROJECT? Now I’m pissed! I seriously want someone fired over this! This is defamation of character! I am a FRICKIN’ Control freak, Damn it!  Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.”  ME UNRELIABLE?!?! I swear my head’s going to explode! Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring. Yeah, I write about those ‘short-lived pleasures’ and to my readers I am never thought of as boring, but that’s not the point! 

And now they want me to take another test to “Determine what I’m doing to mess up a relationship.” I don’t think so dating site! I’m through being quizzed. Go tell someone else that they mess up relationships by being too clingy and needy… because I’m so uber-independent, that sometimes, the guys in my life don’t even feel like they have a girlfriend!

And stop sending me messages that 25 guys have looked at my profile and I’m missing them. I got through 20 pages of men… I’m not missing anything!

Well, this entry took a weird turn… I was just going to talk about my list of things I want in a guy since Dating Guru’s blog entry was so funny. Ah well, another night when I’m not being unreliable because I’m out partying at the club with some guy I never want to have a family with because I refuse to cook!



This entry was posted in Chick lit, romantic comedy, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Hanging Out On Love And Life

  1. AdventureBiz Babe says:

    OK, those tests were obviously written by a man who has no concept of how multi-dimensional women can be.

    And…..their “perfect woman” meter obviously only goes to 10, when you are an 11, (yes, I have Spinal Tap on the brain).

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