Time To Meet Page Turner

Page and I go waaaaaaaaay back! It’s about time she jumped onto the blog character bandwagon. Page and I used to work together. We had our own floor in a three floor building, so while we were very efficient in our work, we were also very efficient at multi-tasking work with “girl talk.” We are both Scorpios and take that very seriously. To say Page is a head turner is an understatement.  She’s a muse, and I mean a real one, as in she walks into a room and men get the urge to paint her or write a song about her. Not to mention she’s been the inspiration for the design of both comic book characters and pin-up girls.

When I imagine what Page was like as a young girl, I picture the hot chick who developed faster than the rest, and read Judy Blume’s book Forever, first so she could teach all of her girlfriends about sex. She has a way a wrapping guys around her finger. And she speaks her mind… and that didn’t go over with the higher ups in our company. Strike one, was that she was female. Strike two, was that she had a mind. Strike three was that she spoke that mind. I knew she wouldn’t last. She was too creative, too inspired for that place, so of course they continued to overlook her and she left. I put up with that crap for years after she was gone, and when I finally quit, she couldn’t wait to congratulate me and then bust my butt about why it took so long.

The great thing about Page, is that even though guys lose their minds over her, she’s a girls’ girl. She always has her friends’ backs. Women aren’t jealous of her because she’s their advocate. She would rather lose a friend protecting her, than see her friend hurt. And she fights to the death. She is not to be messed with. Scorpio women are the best friends to have and the worst enemies, and Page epitomizes that. Loyal to a fault, unless you cross her, so don’t. Why would you? She’s too fun to hang out with.

For me, she’s already been there done that, even though she’s younger, so she’s my very own “Dear Abby.”

So Page, you’ve already gotten a taste of my internet dating, and yes, I was there with you through yours… (tomorrow, I’m going to share a list of all of the notes I’ve received, and what I “wish” I could write back but wouldn’t dare), so here’s a taste of what I’m up against:

I’ve received almost 100 emails today. I’ve written back to two. The first started off okay, telling me about our “James Bond date,” but then he finished off with:

“Can you verify that in fact that you are jewish” ummm… can you capitalize Jewish? That’s not what I wrote back, what I wrote back was:

“Verify that I’m Jewish? Well, I’m a girl or I’d show you my circumcision… Is there a special code word I was supposed to be given in temple? Because I’m reform and cut most of my Hebrew school classes.”

I figured that would turn him off. But no. He wrote back “Verified. Would you like to meet for a drink?”

But by then it was too late for him, because there was a picture in my inbox and the guy had a cute smile and all of his hair, and appeared to be wearing a football uniform with pads and everything. So I clicked on him and his message said:

“Why are you single??????” a question that normally irritates the heck out of me, but I had to check out his picture. Sure enough… 22, still in college, and apparently on the football team. So I wrote back (because God Forbid I should restrain myself!):

“Why am I single? Because hot 22-year-olds distract me from the men I should be
writing to so I can end my single-hood.” To which he replied:

“LOL omg you have a sense of humor too??????? how the heck are you single???????????????? lol im Mark :)” Hmmm abbreviations, over punctuations, and smiley faces… I need to delete this child, but instead I wrote back:

“Well Mark, you are like dangling a bottle of Patron in front of an alcoholic. So I’m going
to thank you for being the only guy with hair to write to me, and wish you success with
someone else. I’m on the “younger man wagon” and I’m about to get my 4 month chip,
so don’t tempt me.” Which of course was an invitation to tempt me..

“lol did i mention i also live in your area!!! we are a match made in heaven!!!!! lol i tried to IM you did it go through?? can u text? To which I replied:

“They don’t allow people over 40 to IM. I guess too many people got confused and called
the support department so, they just cut us all off. We also made a pact that no one
over 40 texts because even though I don’t have kids, apparently it’s a big problem for
parents whose kids only communicate with them via text, so I have to respect the pact.
I’m afraid you’re going to have to find a young local Babe with fingers that text as fast as
the wind and full IM capabilities.”

“LOL i love you. no really. true love. ring and all. maybe a ringpop because they taste good. i would say were flirting huh? 🙂 i didnt know they made women this gorgeous and funny as well? in my area too?? im off p… and p… are you close??? by the way im actually 43 years old. were perfect!!!!!!! lol” Okay, has he had success with older women just saying, “yeah, I’m just a few minutes down the road, I’ll be right over!”? Because I wrote:

“While it would be divine to live out a “Friday Night Lights” fantasy with you, I’m going to go to sleep now and wake up to 30 messages from guys old enough to be your
grandfather who also claim to be 43, with whom I will not flirt for even a second. But
this has been a fun five minutes.”

“lol we should definitely get together on a night you dont have a date (which im sure is veryyyy rare lol) care to call me? from blocked even?” That’s why I find younger men so irresistible, they don’t give up. They truly believe they can wear us down… I had to take one more look at that football picture… I used to have one of First Love taking a knee, just like it. Of course, this young stud also had his pictures of himself taking shirtless photos in the mirror.

Like I said, it was fun for five minutes, but my eye is on the prize and that prize is older than me, uses a cell phone to speak, does NOT say lol OR omg, and never refers to himself as a little i. He wears a shirt, until I tell him to take it off, and he is smart, sexy, and interesting.

So Page, I look forward to enjoying your comments. Welcome to the cast of the RCG characters!

©2011

 



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2 Responses to Time To Meet Page Turner

  1. Page Turner says:

    Thanks for my welcome I’m so glad it was such a special one (you know why, SO awesome). Now just to clear things up I was NOT the hot chick who developed faster than everyone else. I was in fact a very, VERY late bloomer but it totally worked to my advantage because I skipped the Judy Bloom and went straight to Anais Nin. I don’t mess around! Of course that was on the recommendation of my very young math teacher my senior year. Inappropriate? Maybe but hey we all gotta start someplace. Did I mention I’m terrible at math and that was the one and only time I ever got a passing grade, hmmm. Yep Scorpio girl through and through, and yes there is a song about it. ; )

    I’m looking forward to hearing more and more about your internet dating experience and your journey finding your soul mate. You’ll do it because you’re you and when you set your eye on the prize you always get it! Until then let yourself settle into it like a great pair of boots, they have to stretch and give a little before they achieve that perfect fit.

  2. Loverville says:

    Ha — LOVE the story about the 22-year-old boy! I too find it amusing that in the same day, I’ll get emails from boys that age just after getting emails from guys old enough to be the grandfathers of the young’uns.

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