The Magic Cowboy Hat

My loyal readers, FIRST a big apology for the long wait for an entry. Can you believe I’ve been out on the town and coming home too tired to write? Believe it! And it’s all thanks to my Magic Cowboy Hat!

When I first moved to Los Angeles, I worked in a restaurant with a girl who was from Texas. She was pretty, yet plain, and a total prude. Still men fawned all over her; taking her out, buying her gifts, and getting NOTHING in return, but a heavy dose of Southern charm.

I never thought about it until I went to a ritzy event recently in a cowboy hat. After the event I was going line dancing, so I also had my white “so you think you can dance” dress on, with high cowboy boots (from Nordstroms, so they were a cross between a high boot and a cowboy boot, very hot!)

Ladies, I have never received so much male attention in my life. Men of all ages were fighting for my attention. I didn’t know if it was the hat or the “southern charm” that men attach to a cowboy hat, that was attracting them, but once they started talking to me and didn’t hear an accent, I knew it was just the hat.

I was asked out by a 20-year-old, whom after I told him I could have a son his age, retorted with:

“You don’t strike me as the kind of woman who would be intimidated by my age.”

Nice try kid. My self-esteem is in tact, and your subtle manipulation is not going to work on me. The bottom line is, truth be told if he looked like my yoga teacher, he wouldn’t have gotten blown off, but a youngster who works at Godiva Chocolate in the mall and doesn’t know that in two years, he’ll be coming out of the closet, is of no interest to me.

Next I met the slick car salesman. He told me four times the Ferraris on display at the event were his. Little did he know I’d be far more impressed with an F150. The flatbed on that baby is far more comfortable on a back country road than trying to get it on in a Ferrari. Plus he’d be cryin’ about the mud on his car all night. Sorry Dude, wrong chick. Didn’t stop him from asking me for my number though. Men just don’t want to hear your polite rejections. They must wait for the big NO blow! Well, I guess I can’t blame him since there was a magic cowboy hat involved.

Finally, I met a charming older gentleman. I was befriending a female bartender at a cigar bar, discussing what a good strategy it would be for me to bring my laptop to her establishment to work/meet business men who smoke cigars. The older gentleman overheard and got a kick out of my plotting. He too asked for my number, but under the guise that he had an interest in my business and had contacts he could connect me with. At least this guy was down-to-earth. Clearly too old for me to date, but then again, with Loverville having hundreds of dates, I thought maybe I needed to open my mind. But since I’m catching you up on my last few weeks, you’re going to have to wait to hear about that one…

THEN, Socialite who had brought me to the ritzy “red-carpet” event had to bail on me because she was not feeling well, so I had to go to the line dancing bar alone. I learned some things:

1. The cowboy hat really is magic… it makes people instantly notice you and instantly like you.

2. When you go to a country bar alone, and one person asks you to dance, and you accept… you instantly become the “go-to” dance partner.

Let’s discuss being the “go-to” dance partner. It just took one guy to ask and for me to accept, that started a three hour continuous run on the dance floor. This included partners who were young and handsome, old with body odor (which unfortunately stuck to my dress.. thank goodness for Spring Breeze Tide!), and even a 60-something lesbian. Hey, I’m an equal opportunist. Everyone deserves a dance with the magic cowboy hat!

When the drunk old guys started getting pushy about me giving them my number, and were not taking my polite NOs very well, I decided it was time to call it a night.

As I returned to my car and felt how drenched I was from dancing outside in the humidity, it dawned on me. Perhaps the Magic Cowboy Hat was the initial attraction, but I think my perspiration AKA see-through white dress, may have been what maintained my dance card through the night. Yes, the white “so you think you can dance dress” is backless with a tie around the neck, which means.. no bra. And yes, there was a bit of extra material around the boob area creating stitched-like flower patterns, but after careful investigation, I think it may have been creating a feeding frenzy in the same vein as sharks to blood… yikes!

Bottom line..  I had fun and now want at least 3 more magic cowboy hats. My birthday is coming up… hint hint 🙂

©2011

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4 Responses to The Magic Cowboy Hat

  1. Page Turner says:

    You need some nipple petals, I think that’s what they’re called. Well at least that’s what I call them because they’re cute and look like little flower petals and cover you up in dresses like that. Don’t underestimate the power of a good hat. I suppose a white dress with just the right amount of perspiration probably overpowers most hats though! I just don’t want the hat to feel it’s power has been taken away (I have an affinity for magical hats).

  2. And to think in camp we used the round bandaids. Nipple petals sound SO much cuter and are so RCG! Thanks Page!

  3. Loverville says:

    What a fun night… I need to see this outfit!

    BTW – I have an extra cowboy hat for you! OR — next time you’re in NY, let’s go out together in our hats, and see what happens! They’ll never know what hit them…

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