It’s just one of those “comedy laws” and this week I got the 1.. 2.. 3.. punch from my Chick Posse (These are the chicks that haven’t made it to the Cast of Characters YET.. but have been sharing some funny stuff with me, so of course I have to share it with you.)
Warning: I will be starting with the non-racy to the somewhat racy to the spot on hard core racy! So, read as many as you dare. Here’s what happened in the Chick Posse this week:
1: iPhone Warning From Nash
Nash, like so many others has purchased the latest iPhone that comes with a very special feature…Siri. Personally I think Siri is cool because she’s a chick, and she’s helpful. Nash, has recently relocated and is still learning her way around town. Here’s what happened, “My Blackberry died so I decided to convert to an iPhone. Didn’t really pay much attention to all the stuff on it yet. Unbeknownst to me I got the one with “Siri” who apparently listens to you, but I had no clue about that. So, I am driving along alone in my car, and since we are still new to town I wasn’t sure where I was going. I say (to myself, alone in the car) something like “Oh hell I don’t know if I should turn left here.” And suddenly this disembodied voice comes out of my purse and says, “Where are you trying to go, Nash?” I just about wrecked the car! Now Siri knows me to be a bad cusser. I was like “WTF” and probably yelled it out loud as I tried to save myself from crashing the car in total surprise. I am now waiting for Siri to lecture me about cussing her. I am not so sure I want a phone that is listening in (and probably watching) all the time. I am NOT taking it into the bedroom or bathroom with me, just in case!”
Personally, I need Siri to be my wingwoman. I need to take her out at night, point my iPhone at a cute guy, and have Siri reprimand me, “Heck no! He’s way too young for you!” Or when I’m trying to decide between a work event and happy hour with the girls, Siri can remind me, “RCG, there’s happy hour every night, and bartenders hate you because you order Dirty Virgin drinks, so GO TO THE WORK EVENT!” … man, Siri is harsh!
2. Why You Shouldn’t Fantasize About Your Trainer
Gym Girl has had a habit for many years which finally caught up with her this past week. Here’s the habit: She spots a very HOT trainer at her club, and then immediately buys a training package with him. Recently, she was on the treadmill next to the stretching area, when she spotted a new trainer who wasn’t working out a client, he was stretching out himself… in Frog pose.. see picture, then imagine a hot guy in short shorts! Now imagine what else you can see when a guy in short shorts is doing frog pose. Yup! Gym Girl didn’t know where to look. She was blushing and fighting back the giggles, yet, like a car accident, she couldn’t stop looking. A half hour later she’d signed up for a package with him (no pun intended..I swear!).
That’s when the trouble began! Gym Girl couldn’t get the image of Hot Trainer in Frog Pose out of her mind and continued to picture him in that pose… and various others. So when she met him for her first day of training, she was stumbling over her words and quite self conscious feeling as if he’d actually seen her naked. By the second time they trained together, she was feeling a little better until…
He finished the session and advised her to go stretch out. To which she responded, “Aren’t YOU going to stretch me out? My other trainers always did.” He gave her his Brad Pitt grin and readily agreed. After a few minutes of being stretched on the table, he told her to sit up straight, he stood behind her and told her to reach back and grab…
Gym Girl reached back and grabbed his ass with both hands and held on tight! As the seconds ticked by it dawned on her that she was grabbing his ass, then it dawned on her that this was not in fact one of her fantasies, then it dawned on her that she had not let him finish his sentence, but there was no way that sentence was going to end in.. ass!
She shrieked as she abruptly pulled her hands back to her lap. “I just grabbed your ass,” she said to him.
“That you did,” he answered.
“What did you tell me to grab?” she asked.
“I asked you to grab your own wrists behind my waist,” he answered.
“Okay, let’s try that again,” she offered, feeling completely mortified.
She did the stretch correctly, and now she can only imagine what’s in store for the next session.
3. A New Contender For The Glossary
I was hanging out with a cool group of new chicks the other night. It’s fun when you’re getting to know new girls over sushi and after an hour or so (and a few sakis) inhibitions disappear, and you reeeally get some insight into who they are. Saucy was cracking me up the whole night, but when she told the story about meeting her boyfriend, I knew this was a girl I could hang with! The sentence “The first time I met him, he gave me fire crotch” concerned me at first, because I’m trying to figure out which venereal disease she was referring to and why she continued to date this guy after he shared this burning gift with her. But then I realized I just didn’t know her lingo yet (that’s why I give you gals a glossary so you can check in when I use a word you’ve never heard of). Apparently “fire crotch” is the sensation you get when you see a hot man that stays with you “burning” for hours, sometimes days, and possibly weeks, depending on how long it takes for the guy to ask you out.
Now, of course, I’m obsessed with the term. I’ve been using it in sentences all week to install it as a permanent fixture in my RCG vocabulary… unfortunately it hasn’t been used in its intended form as I haven’t been around any men who have given me fire crotch this past week… hmmm now that I see it in writing, it still looks like a venereal disease. Should it be added to the glossary? I’m still on the fence. Thoughts ladies? Is this a term we want to take on? Yes? No? Leave a comment and majority wins…